Monday, January 30, 2012

Monday Morning

The photo is from my walk on Saturday.  This is a perfect example of the color I keep calling "sepia," everything is brown and drab.  But the sky is blue.

I moved to Denver in the summer and got sober three weeks later in late July.  I came from living 8 years in two different small mountain towns.  The last two years were in the Colorado mountains.   I found the winters in the mountains nearly unbearable.  When I got to Denver and got sober, I thought all of my depression was over.  Winter in Denver is a breeze compared to the mountains.  That first winter - my first in sobriety and first in Denver was delightful!  But I guess I have been here now long enough to find it a challenge to get through.

This year I have a new job and new surroundings and I think that will side-step the whole late winter depression.  We shall see.

I keep thinking of a conversation I had after the meeting on Saturday.  I need to call someone about it.  A sponsee was sitting with me during the meeting and whispered to me that our friend's face was bright red.  I hadn't noticed.  I knew what she meant.  Our friend's face was bright red when she was drinking.  She came to meetings for years drinking.  Drunk.  Out of her mind.  She nearly died about 18 months ago.  And then she got sober.  When she celebrated a year, I heard warning bells that were nearly deafening.  But I hoped I was wrong.  The group was so excited, they had showered her with flowers, gifts, cards, etc.  I always get alarmed when I see that - I have seen so many think they have graduated and stop going to meetings.  She got a defiant attitude that day - "See?  You didn't think I would get sober, but here I am!"  There was no humility or gratitude.  It put a chill through me.

And on Saturday, there she was, after the meeting talking about a huge setback she had just gone through.  My friend and I said quickly - "But you stayed sober through it!  What a miracle."  She looked around and started talking faster and faster about how horrible it was.  That put a chill through me.  Oh, dear Lord, I hope I am wrong.  But that did not sound like a sober woman to me.

I will call my friend later today and see what is up.

I have a wonderful day ahead and I need to get to it.  I am working from home.  I need to be at my desk at 7 a.m. to start.  Then I have a meeting at 11:30 at the hospital where I worked for 17+ years.  Then back to work here.  I have my first "product" due at 3:30 and I am a bit nervous about getting it done.  I would have had it done by now if I hadn't had to learn how to use Office 2010 in order to get my work done.

I am so grateful to be sober.  I am so grateful that God has put just the right people in my life all throughout my sobriety.  I am particularly grateful that he put me with a bunch of ruffians in my early sobriety.  I am glad I was always a bit afraid in those early meetings.  I learned to shut up and listen.  It was incredibly good for me.  Back then, I thought I was brilliant and needed to be put in my place on more than one occasion.  I don't see anyone who is now willing to do that, it wouldn't be "polite."  We would rather watch people die, with their ego intact than hurt someone's feelings and maybe give them a chance to live.

"My creator,  I am now willing that you should have all of me, good and bad.  I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows.  Grant me strength, as I go out from here, to do your bidding.  Amen."  -- Seventh Step Prayer, p. 76


Syd said...

I hope that you have a good day, MC. That blue sky is awesome. We still have green here. A sober friend has finished her fourth marathon. Come on over and run some of ours here in SC. You will enjoy the beach and the warmth and the green.

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you Mary, and to be working from home? How cool is that? I always get concerned when I see that much fanfare too. I am grateful that I was taught early on that AA owes me nothing, but I owe AA my life. I was also taught that I am the one that should bring the cake for the group to thank them for keep ing the meeting doors open. Grateful you are my friend :) Have a fantastic sepia week!

dAAve said...

I'll just comment on the "ruffians". I know a few who sare still that way. I wish I would be more like that, but I'm no longer a confrontational person.
hmmmm. More to think about.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for the prayer. I really need to remember that. The woman that took me though the step said that prayer alot and had 16 plus years and went out on pills you just don't know....I must keep all of the steps in my heart. Thank you for your blog, it helps me one day at a time.

Mary Christine said...

I would love to do the OBX race. But not this year.

Mary Christine said...

Well, Dave, as long as you have a few ruffians around, there is no need for you to be one. You have your own role to play, and I happen to think it is a rather nice one.

Mary Christine said...

Thanks Anonymous. We all only have this day, it is important for all of us to remember that. People who do remember it don't tend to go out. Resting on laurels is a dangerous business.

Anonymous said...

Keeping it real! I needed that have no idea.

Mary Christine said...

Working at home was harder than working at work yesterday - and disabused me of any fantasies I may have had about it.

You know, I know I replied to this comment yesterday - because I said that I wish more people had your attitude about AA .... but we can be examples, no?

Mary Christine said...

Glad I could be of service Lou. xoxox

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