This has been a long week and it is not nearly over. I don't do well with being tired. I am really attached to getting 9 hours of sleep a night. I have been awake since 2:00 a.m., and didn't get to bed until 10:00.
I have got this huge deal going on at work. I don't want to bore anyone to tears with details, but it is a lot of work. The last day off I had was last Saturday and I don't think I am going to be able to take this weekend off.
Yesterday morning I got very upset over something that probably wasn't all that upsetting, and that is a big fat warning that I need to do something differently. (Like sleep at night perhaps?)
2 of my neighbors have started running together at 5:45 a.m., since it is dark at that time, they feel safer that way. I was going to join them yesterday. I came outside at 5:45 and they were nowhere in sight. I ran to the end of my street, and still didn't see them. Then to the next intersection, and then I saw them. About a quarter of a mile ahead of me. I was MAD. Then I looked at it and realized that my primary emotion wasn't really anger, it was hurt feelings. This hit some really old, old, old chords. I felt like I did when I was a kid - the youngest of five... I can't keep up with them, they left without me, etc.
The good news is - I had a good run anyway. And I don't have to stay in that kind of anger or self-pity. I could look at how upset I was and just chalk it up to being overly tired. I have had years of steps and years of therapy to deal with all that crap and I don't need to "go there" right now.
I also had a good day at work yesterday. A meeting that I was dreading actually turned out very well, and I left work after it was over. I got my grocery shopping done and then went to an AA meeting. Got to have dinner with my sponsor and sponsee and her partner. It is so good to be part of this fellowship.
At the meeting a (crying, hysterical, still drunk) returning member was sitting next to a man who buried his daughter last week. She died of this disease and I fear the returning member will too if she doesn't do something different. WHY is it so difficult for most alcoholics to get a "full knowledge of their condition?"
4 comments:
It seems to me that for most alcoholics who've been to at least some meetings and know there's a way out, it boils down to:
DENIAL that they are alcoholics
or
UNWILLINGNESS to make the necessary changes
Run girl run....you go girl.
I see you,
JJ
I think no matter how much time in the program we have or life expierence, that we can be subject to those feelings of being left out or left behind, but such is life who knows what their deal was... I am glad to know though that you still ran... and if possible (which I know its probly not) schedule time for you, a hot bath and early bed... sending good thoughts your way...
PS doesnt Daave look hot in his tux???
Good girl.
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