It's 7:45 a.m. on Sunday January 8. It is 44 degrees outside. I could go out and run. Normally that is what I would want to do. However, I don't want to do that today. I am tired. I am beyond tired. One might say I am a mess.
Yesterday after leaving an AA meeting, I actually cried and sobbed and carried on. It has been a long time since I have done that. I talked to my sponsor and told her that I had lost all perspective due to over work and lack of sleep. I told her that I had been crying because I didn't have any friends. My sponsor, in her inifinite wisdom, said "you may not have any friends, but you sure have a lot of people who love you."
I am so tired I can barely see straight. I did manage to sleep all night last night for the first time in a long time. I am going to work from home today and try to watch some football games. I have worked for eight days straight now and I don't do this well. But today, at least I am not going to go in to the hospital, I am going to stay here and do the work from my computer, which I can do - thank God.
My sponsor also commended me on keeping up on my self-care. Going to meetings. Eating right. Exercising. Reaching out to others. And yesterday I signed up for tanning. It is bad for my skin, but good for my soul. I LOVE tanning. (It was also nice that the tanning salon owner was so happy to see me that he asked me to go to a movie and dinner with him!)
So here is the good news:
My brain may attack me and tell me that I have no friends, but it isn't true.
This tiredness is going to end.
This big deal at work is going to come to an end.
I am going to take a tropical vacation (probably Puerto Rico)with my daughter when the big deal at work ends.
I am sober and all the rest of this is just a bunch of stuff.