The mystery of the ages for those of us in recovery. I woke up early this morning so I had time to peruse some blogs. I read about the suicide of a young woman. I looked at her blog. On the day she took her own life, she posted a funny picture of Santa. I wonder if this was just her blog persona, or if that was all she shared with anyone. I hope to God she had someone to talk to, but suspect we sometimes make decisions that back us into corners that seem irretrievably locked.
Last night at church I lit a candle for my recently deceased friend. I sat and cried and I prayed for him.
I think I shall need to get used to doing this. I am 57 years old. Most of my friends are recovering alcoholics. I don't know if there is research that gives an average life span for a recovering alcoholic, but I think it is probably shorter than the general population. We tend to destroy our health by drinking and smoking and indulging in other habits that are simply not good for us - for instance, I LOVE diet pepsi, and know this can't be good for me. But I think - oh, compared to booze and cigs, diet pepsi is nothing... but I would be so much better off without it.
The only way I can think to honor this life is to live it as fully as I possibly can. I am going out there this morning in the gusts of wind up to 80 mph - I am not running outdoors, but I will drive to the gym and run on that treadmill. (my satellite TV signal just left.) And then I will get back home and get dressed for work. I can get to work because I am fortunate enough to be gainfully employed. I am meeting with a sponsee at 5:30 tonight and will start working with her.
I don't know why I am alive and sober when so many other much more deserving people aren't, but I am, so I will thank God for that and try to show my gratitude in my actions.
12 comments:
Oh girl, I wonder all the time why God picked me and not someone else to get and STAY sober.
Diet Pepsi is good for you.
I don't know either. I wonder at the choices that people make. I sometimes wonder why I'm still here even though I wasn't an alcoholic or addict. But I have done some dangerous things. I'm grateful for every day.
I was also sad to read the post of the young lady who died. I had never heard of her until she killed herslelf. I find this painfully sad.
I don't know that we can judge whether others are more deserving to live than we are. just sayin'...
Have a productive day.
Seems to me to be our destiny to be sober. Nothing else explains it to me. And it makes me grateful.
Don't know why EVER I should be sober, except there must be a plan to it all.
So far, I've become happy with the plan, as if it (being happy) mattered.
This year (2008) was the most AA funerals for me. I attended services for six sober people and one (who never made it back).
This comment is taking way too long a time, because I'm going back in my mind, remembering them, and the impact each had on my life--and how maybe I touched theirs as well.
My husband has replaced alcohol with diet pepsi and chocolate - and initially I was worried but the logner he is sober the less I worry about it...
I am sorry you are feeling loss right now, the new year holds such opportunity and look how far you have come.
People who are ready to recover are the ones who recover and I am grateful that you blog about your recovery.
Cat
That's interesting. I *love * Coke Zero, and I know that it isn't good for me. And I also know plenty of recovering drunks that engage in very unhealthy behavior.
I would be interested to see a study in how many alcoholics replace a deadly habit with a still-rather-unhealthy one.
Btw - that picture is beautiful. :)
YES LIVE life is the differnce. My heart hurts for Suzanne, and I went to her blog too and thought, hmm, what was she thinking. I am sad for her children, and sad she couldnt find another way out...
So yea, we gotta LIVE, and that means doin stuff...
I am off to do stuff like work, take care of my house, and work out and maybe drive to Westport
A woman in my group had a son who overdosed early in his using. My son, who used much heavier & longer, is alive.I have found that I have to quit questioning why, it is just not for me know.
I am not a big believer in the concept that my HP tends to pick one over another since my HP gave me free will according to Father Bill my Spiritual Director it's really a matter of us hearing the call and following the directions that we have and can...the best we can. I am a pragmatist and just feel that I don't know when my time will come, but until then I do try to show my utmost gratitude by living a full and fulfilling, loving life.
Thank you Mary for this amazing post...you always make me think and I so appreciate it.
Hugs,
G
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