My daughter has her 3 year sober anniversary coming up this month. She got sober at a group that is heavily bikers. It really is a good group. There is, however, a subset of that group - I would call them "wanna-be" bikers. The have "colors" for their sober biker group. They act bad-asser than any former hell's angel I have known... and I have known a few. They are all bluster and very little substance. They have called her and let her know when and how she can celebrate her birthday. Really? Seriously? Now, I do understand that there are some considerations as she has a restraining order against one of their members. (The one who 13 stepped her when she was new, and stalked her after she left him.) But beyond straightening out that HE will not be there when she celebrates her birthday, I don't know how they can tell her anything. She is now considering not celebrating her birthday at that group.
She asked for my advice, and I was able to share some of my experience. I have left more than one group because of a man. I was always willing to do that in order to allow the other person the peace of their home group. I always had a place to go. I felt I could go anywhere. Twenty or more years ago, I used to live upstairs from the two guys who started that biker group and I had no use for them then, and I have no use for those who have come after them. I don't appreciate them behaving this way toward my daughter. I asked her if she couldn't talk to someone from the actual AA group. She said they wouldn't stand up to the biker group.
So, groups like this exist. I wouldn't want to go there. But I did when I was new. And it was helpful to me. I honestly believe my daughter couldn't have gotten sober anywhere else. She has since moved on to healthier groups, but she wasn't ready for healthier groups when she was new.
When I see young crazy folks try to walk into a group of middle-aged, middle-class, well-dressed, soft-spoken sober alcoholics - I wonder how this will work. Sometimes it does.
But I know I needed to be with people like me. Crazy people creating drama with every move. When I was able to do better, I did. And I moved toward people who behaved better than that. But not till I was ready.
That's what's wonderful about AA in larger metropolitan areas. You really can find anything you want.
As I have said so many times, I really believe God talks to us in our own vernacular. It might not seem like the voice of God, but I think he is there - in the holier than thou's in the suburbs to the bikers in city.
I just have to learn to listen. And thank God.
10 comments:
"I really believe God talks to us in our own vernacular. It might not seem like the voice of God, but I think he is there - in the holier than thou's in the suburbs to the bikers in city.I just have to learn to listen. And thank God."
Gonna stick this on my sidebar,if that's ok? I'll cite source, ofcourse.
I was also in the dental chair this morning for a root canal. All went well!!
Great post MC, I'm going to quote it lots if you don't mind. Giving you the credit for authorship of course! Especially this:
"I really believe God talks to us in our own vernacular. It might not seem like the voice of God, but I think he is there - in the holier than thou's in the suburbs to the bikers in city.
I just have to learn to listen. And thank God."
Hope the dentistry went well and your teeth are sorted.
This really resonates..oh, you have no idea. I'm so glad you carry the message, but are also honest about what can and does happen.
So glad your dental work is over and done with! I know you were dreading it.
As for your sober daughter -- wow! 3 years! I remember reading in your blog about how things were before she got sober... 3 years pass so quickly. I'm really happy for her. And for you.
I live in a very recovery oriented little town. With a population of about 22,000 we have 100 AA meetings a week. It's great. It's allowed me to travel through different meetings, as I recovered, to places that fit where I am now. Thank God! I can relate to your path, your daughter's path, and probably it's the same for all of us. Thank you for writing this post.
I guess we get what we need.
At 3 years, she gets to decide what she needs (maybe with the help of her sponsor).
The city that I just visited has 800 meetings a week I suppose that one could find whatever kind of meeting there is--some healthy and some not so much. But I did find what I needed to find. And was grateful there were so many meetings. If I had to live in such a crowded place, I would need to go to many meetings just to maintain my sanity. But I'm back home and glad for it.
My one meeting is a nooner with a bunch of longshoreman-types and they speak my language better than my local suburban group. That's why I drive 40 minutes to get there!
Mary Christine, i just discovered ur blog & i want to ty so much for doing this selfless act. I quit going to meetings because of a similiar sitution...and i laughed my butt off at ur comments. I related so much & needed to hear that. Ur so right...n the beginning we need those nutso AA meetings & then we grow & outgrow those meetings. U have helped me so much. I will celebrate 3yrs sobriety in may, but havent attendeda meeting n a yr. Ur blog helps me in so many ways...i am now yearning that sense of community & plan on attending meetings again. The normal ones. LOL
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