Sunday, March 11, 2012

And Still More...

The old temple downtown.  They built a new one in the 1950s.  I think this one is beautiful!
So, there are a couple more questions.  And one that got lost... (Amber, you can send it to me again if you would like).

Kelly asks:  From what I recall reading, you've once been involved in an abusive someone who has broken free of that, and moved onto healthier relationships, do you have any words of wisdom for someone (me) just breaking free of an abusive relationship (but still struggling with an emotional attatchment to the relationship)?

Hang in there, pray, and turn your thoughts to others.  Breaking free of my last marriage was probably the most difficult thing I ever did.  I remember thinking when we were still together and I knew I had to leave "I am not done with him."  Really, I just wasn't done.  Maybe him killing me would have gotten me to be done.  I was powerless over my feelings for him, and I just had to surrender them to God.  I worked with others which really helped me.  I was also the GSR of a group at that time which also helped.  I couldn't think myself out of it.  I just had to step out in faith even though it felt horrible.  I swear, it physically hurt me to leave him and then stay away from him.  

Anonymous asks:  What are the best things that can be done to support the troops serving overseas? I don't live near any military personnel that I could volunteer to help the families at home ... but would like to do something to help.

My first response is to suggest you pray for them.  And treat them with respect.  Not gushing all over them, just with respect for what they are doing and what they have done.  Also, if you know any families with someone deployed, just say a kind word - ask how their soldier is.  As a family member, it is so nice when you feel like you aren't alone.  Other than that, I don't really know.  There is a lot of support in place for our troops.  I used to knit hats for them, but was told they don't need them.  They get a lot of donations.  My son can't even look at a girl scout cookie, he had so many of them when he was in Iraq (which was my fault - I got a whole girl scout troop involved).  

Annette asks:  I thought I had read awhile back in your blog, that you had become an ordained something or other? lol If I have that correct, what is your title and what led you to pursue that?

I am guessing you are referring to my graduation from the Biblical School last May.  I finished a four year school studying every book in the Bible.  So, I don't have a title, and I wouldn't even consider myself an expert.  But I am grateful for what I learned.  I love the Bible - I did even when I was drinking.  I wanted to spend more time with it.  I miss the class terribly.  I used to spend at least 8 hours a week studying the Bible.  Now I just read it a bit every day.  

Kary May asks:  I'd love to know how you keep your enthusiasm for sobriety so fresh? I remember being shocked when I read how long you had been sober. You write through the eyes of someone that is seeing the world anew everyday.

KM, I would say that this is something I have to consciously do.  I am by nature a not very optimistic person.  I have never done anything in my life as long as I have stayed sober - except bodily functions like breathing, etc.  By going to AA meetings and being in touch with other alcoholics, I see what the effects of alcoholism are.  I realize, that by the Grace of God, I "dodged the bullet" in many ways since I am sober, which makes me very grateful.  I have a choice of how I look at my life every day.  I can see that I am divorced, which I never wanted.... or I can see that I live in a peaceful quiet home, which is in stark contrast to my marriage.  I can see that I have a hard job that I am struggling to adapt to, or I can be grateful that I am a 60 year old woman with a new opportunity, gainfully employed!  I have to keep it always fresh in my mind that I am an alcoholic who probably wouldn't be alive today if I were still drinking.  And I definitely would not have the life I have today.  I just have to spend a minute reframing things and make sure I am grateful.  Without gratitude, I think we are all sunk.  It makes such a huge difference.

Thanks guys.  This has been fun.  And now I will lay my sober head on my sober pillow and thank God for another sober day.  What a wonderful world this is!


Anonymous said...

How does someone (me) who can't stand the thought of not drinking get sober?

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

Decide to quit and hold yourself to it. It's hard but so is trying to live as an addict. Replace the drinking hours with other productive activities--walking, sewing, mentoring, decorating your space, sleeping away the hardest hours and allowing your spirit to heal.

Drink of choice now is water--tap water in the fridge so it's cold and tasty. I had to take the alcohol out of my house altogether for the first years. Now no one in my home drinks so we don't even have it around. Eat meals and snacks with an eye toward not gaining a bunch of weight that will bum you and make it hard to love yourself. You are your own best friend--no one will take better care of you than you will. Prioritize your goals and set some dates.

Read Melody Beattie's books on Co-dependence and other sobriety books. Communicate your desires to those who love you remembering that You are the one who knows you best.

Good Luck, It can be done. I have faith in you.

Mary LA said...

So much wisdom in your answers Mary Christine -- learning to live through powerlessness and handing it over

Lou said...

I learned the attitude of gratitude from you (and others- they know who they are).

Daily, you wrote about praying, meditation, staying in the moment..all of which was a tremendous help to me. I'm not the same person as when I started blogging. Much of my growth, my ability to deal with challenges, and acceptance of what life has given me, came from your words on this blog.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I love your insights you and Pammie have been constant lights in my world!

I have questions that seem stupid in my head, you know the ones that are "time takes time" oriented.

Did you do anything explorational in early sobriety to help you to find those things which are foundationally "you"? Like faith, and femininity, purpose (job or career), or did you just plug away and begin to become comfortable with what is?

amber said...

In may i will be celebrating 3 yrs of sobriety. I thank God everyday for the life i live now. During my first year of sobriety i worked/work with a wonderful sponsor...she truly understood the program & attended aa meetings for all the RIGHT reasons. The group i attended i soon realizeed were a bunch of bottom feeders, for many reasons (i wont go into detail) i decided to no longer attend aa. I practice all my principles that my sponsor taught me, see a therapist once a month. My sobriety is super strong BUT i sometimes worry about not attending meetings. Any advice on what i can practice on my own to keep my sobriety in check. Trust me, if i ever thought i would drink again, i wld attend meetings & do whatever i needed too. Ur websited along with others have helped me so much! Xo

Syd said...

Thank you, MC, for answering these. I think that one has to finally have enough of the hurtful relationships and begin to think of self-preservation no matter what. I am glad that you found a way to get out before you were physically hurt.

Mary Christine said...

Syd, I have a broken wrist, toe, and two fingers from that relationship.

Annette said...

Broken bones? :o( My mama lived through those kind of relationships too... so sad.

Thank you for clearing up my confusion. :o) I love that you studied the Bible so much and that you have a passion for that.

Bryan Chambers said...

I often read your posts but rarely comment, I just wanted to say thank you for what you do.