Sunday, March 18, 2012

Sunday Morning Meeting

I love that these are the real un-retouched colors of this flower.  That yellow looks too bright to be real.
I'm just home from driving 40 miles to my homegroup.  It was so good to be there.  Next week one of my friends will be celebrating his 32nd AA anniversary.  I have known J. for almost 28 of those years.  He has been a blessing in my life.

I remember one time - I was sober about a year, and he was helping me move.  I had thought my ex-husband was going to help, and I was not prepared when he told me at the last moment that he was not going to.  So, I was scrambling to get people to help me.  I wasn't ready.  It was hard to get help.  My friend J. came over to help.  I will never forget sitting in the front seat of his truck and having him ask me if I was sober.  I was incredulous and a bit insulted!  I asked him why he would ask me that.  He said something that hit me right between the eyes and literally changed my life.  He said:

"I have never seen a sober person living the way you are living." 

Ooiks.  I had a boyfriend I had met in AA who was actively drinking.  He didn't show up to help me move.  My house was a mess.  My kids were out of control.  I hadn't done what I needed to do (like pack boxes) to get moved.  

I thought about that.  Really hard.

Someone else later in my sobriety told me something I have never heard anyone else say.  That it is not only important to do the right thing, but also to give the appearance of doing the right thing.  It sounded crazy until I really considered what that meant.  

In the above case - it is not only important to BE sober, but it is important to have my life LOOK like I am sober.  I can't inspire the trust of my friends and relatives if I am still acting like a nut.  I shouldn't make my friends and family worry about my sanity or sobriety if I can help it, unless it is appropriate that they worry.  

So, it is important to me that I do things like make my bed every morning.  That I do the dishes as soon as the meal is over.  That I pay my bills on time.  That I keep my car maintained and clean.  That I look as good as I can every day.  

I used to say that I never stole anything - then I realized that when I was drinking I had stolen my family's peace of mind.  I try to make sure I never do that again - at least not needlessly.

It is a gift from God to be sober.  I need to appreciate that every day.  The best way to show my gratitude is with a little bit of care and feeding.  Every single day.

10 comments:

Debbi said...

Another great post to share with my "girls" at the prison meeting, if you don't mind ... if this doesn't make them think, I don't know what will.

Matter of fact, I could do a little more to LOOK 21+ years sober myself. =)

dAAve said...

I could not agree more.

Annette said...

Excellent post. You've got me thinking too. My life is always on the chaotic end of the spectrum because I over commit my time to "help" others. We all have our addictions. Mine is meddling and fixing. Although I have made tremendous progress....my life doesn't always LOOK like it though.

Mary Christine said...

Of course you may share this Debbi

Syd said...

I don't think that you have to act anymore. You are doing things sober every day. I'm glad for that.

Pammie said...

That's a perfect example of acting our way into a better way of thinking.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

:) LOVE <3 <3


This is a message that has been carried to me. I have, with God's help, been able to make the bed, clean the house, wash the dishes, get up and take a shower, get the yard cleaned, keep the car in relatively good repair for a while. I have a LONG way to go... so it's good to hear from ya'll who have done this for so long.

Lou said...

walk the talk, talk the walk..whatever, you are doin' it!!

SoberMomRocks said...

Thanks so much for this today. I need to share it with a friend. She's not an alcoholic but her home...like her head right now...is a disaster. She need to see that if she can get one in order then maybe it will help to get the other in order.

Again - thanks. Love your posts.

ScottF said...

awesome MC, thanks!