Monday, March 12, 2012

Just two more...

Going to work before the sun rises... I hate Daylight Saving Time.
OK, a couple more questions:

Anonymous asks:  How does someone (me) who can't stand the thought of not drinking get sober?

My question back to you is, do you WANT to quit drinking?  Are you convinced that you cannot drink normally?  I know you can't stand the thought of not drinking, but probably no real alcoholic can.  Until they do.  I can only share my own experience, strength, and hope.  When I called AA I had no idea how I could possibly not drink.  It didn't seem possible. But I asked for help and I got it.  The rest is history.  Thank God for the simple people who made themselves available to me - they told me straight - Don't drink, don't think, go to meetings, read the big book, get a sponsor.  People don't much like to hear that anymore because they have great minds and hate to be told that their great mind might not be helping them... Anyway, that's my story.  

Amber asks:  In may i will be celebrating 3 yrs of sobriety. I thank God everyday for the life i live now. During my first year of sobriety i worked/work with a wonderful sponsor...she truly understood the program & attended aa meetings for all the RIGHT reasons. The group i attended i soon realizeed were a bunch of bottom feeders, for many reasons (i wont go into detail) i decided to no longer attend aa. I practice all my principles that my sponsor taught me, see a therapist once a month. My sobriety is super strong BUT i sometimes worry about not attending meetings. Any advice on what i can practice on my own to keep my sobriety in check. Trust me, if i ever thought i would drink again, i wld attend meetings & do whatever i needed too. Ur websited along with others have helped me so much! Xo

As I said before, I can only share my experience, strength, and hope.  I have had many bad experiences in AA.  But early on, I asked myself if I wanted to stay sober and the answer was yes.  So, I kept going to meetings and being involved in AA - because I tried many times to stay sober without AA and never was successful.  So, if I run across a bad group, I find another.  If I have to, I start a new meeting.  I need AA members in my life to talk to, to run things by, to share my life with.  Other people do not understand us.  

I have seen too many people leave AA for many reasons, and I have never heard this with a happy ending.  Seriously.  I go to funerals of people who said things like you just said.  That they are just fine alone and IF they ever need anything, they would come to AA.  Somehow they just don't.  If you are an alcoholic, alcohol is cunning, baffling, and powerful.  That drink can sneak up on you because you will have no effective mental defense.  

I'm sorry to be so frank, but that is my experience.  

About a year and a half ago, I stopped blogging.  I had been irritated by many things about it, but the last straw was when I read the blog of a woman who told me she came by my blog first thing every morning and it meant so much to her.  She didn't go to AA, her blog was full of self-justified hatred.  I thought that I was enabling her to act like that in some small way.  She thought she had some kind of a program because she read my blog!  OMG!

I am just a crazy old drunk!  Sober, yes, but I am an alcoholic in recovery.  We are nutty people.  Don't feed our egos, because it can kill us.  My blog is meant to be a place where I can share my experience and have a community with like minded folks.  

I never meant to be an expert on recovery from alcoholism.  I find that whole idea offensive.  Granted, I have a lot of experience I can share, but I never have and never intend to "graduate" to some higher plane of sobriety, where I "pay back" by gracing you all with my presence.  I am in the trenches with the rest of the drunks.  

If you are an alcoholic, my advice is to go to AA and do what they tell you to do.  If you find a crappy group, go find another one.  If you have a crappy sponsor, fire him/her/it and get another one.  Geez Louise.  Just keep plugging if you want to live.  

Was everyone you knew when you were drinking just so nice and churchy?  Maybe you never hung out in a bar - but I did.  I had spidey senses about who to stay away from, and I used those skills in AA.  I still got taken in plenty of times.  I met bad intentioned men, I was stolen from, taken advantage of, etc.  So what?  So, do I lay down and die because not everyone is nice?   

Not me.  You can go ahead if you want.  

Sorry, I'm all fired up.  I will now go sit down in a chair and pray.  Maybe I'll call my sponsor.  All that stuff works.  


Anonymous said...

Thanks Mary.

Syd said...

I don't like for people to make excuses about why they can't do something but give me the reasons that they can. It is all about a lifetime viewpoint. Thanks for getting fired up. I think that more people need to hear this.

Ellie said...

Thanks for writing about these things, Mary.

How do you tell the difference between an objectively crappy sponsor/group (or at least one whose style is a bad fit for you) and a sponsor/group that's good but is pushing you to do uncomfortable things, to give up your attempts at control, so your addict brain says, "No, wait, this isn't working, don't listen to them"? (I hope that makes sense -- my brain gets so tied up in knots when I try to work this out for myself)

Anonymous said...

I love me some fired up Mary.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I'm not sure that I don't like the fired up you best of all :OD

Thank God the first thing I learn was the direction, "Your will not mine be done" and move on IN the direction of the Big Book, with this direction you cannot fail is the promise!

So far, God willing, that is absolute truth for me. I can be pissed, people can be all wrong, I can decide all kinds of things, but... what I do not have is the luxury of any delusion that I can wrest satisfaction and happiness out of life if ... LOL well I do sometimes have the delusion but it's short lived and you people help me to see it, submit to the truth and laugh a little as we move on trudging the road together.

Thank God! :)

Ms Jones said...

Bring it on MC! I began this journey in 1989. I did not stay sober but I've been back since 2007 and I still see some of the "old timers' and I love that. They are hard ass AA'rs and I too believe we are slipping away from the true "program" of Alcoholics Anonymous. The reason I spend a few minutes here daily is I "hear" what you say. I can't always say that about my local group. But! I know that I can change groups anytime. I can not imagine life without you insanely "normal" folks. We bond and share and love like no one I know outside of our "circle". Please don't stop. For I will be lost without you.


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shadowlands said...

"My blog is meant to be a place where I can share my experience and have a community with like minded folks."

Haha, like you have any control over the drunks that might click and happen upon your blog! Remember Mary, powerless over people places and things (including their alcoholism),we will only be judged, on how we have loved, not on how successful we have been in sobering each other up. That's the deal Mary C. It always has been. We are not on a course that gets marks out of ten. God already deemed us worthy by sending His only Son to die, in our place. How much more affirmation can a human being get?

I like your blog and visit whenever online. I'm not the person you mention in your post, am I? I'm very important and paranoid, you see ;)

Simply Me said...

I love your blunt honesty. I agree, I think we all need to hear that. Thank you!

amber said...

Thank you.

Pammie said...

what the hell? know what I'm talking about. go Mary...I love you.

BDAWG602 said...

@ Amber.. Nothing insures immunity from drinking as INTENSIVE work with other alcoholics, it works when all other activities fail!