Sunday, March 25, 2012
Yesterday I went out with my running group - it was a glorious morning. When I was done with that, I went to a local mall and actually waited for the stores to open. I purchased some new clothes which I need for work. And wouldn't you know it? They placed a Swarovski Crystal store on my way out of the mall, so I had to stop in and buy a bracelet.
When I got home, again I saw my neighbor out in my yard, cutting up the tree we cut down on Friday night. I wanted to cry. All I wanted to do was eat lunch, take a bath, and a nap and wait till it was time to go to church. Instead, I changed into my working-in-the-yard clothes and helped her. Some of you have said that you wouldn't do that. But I think this points out the difference between a recovery program for an alcoholic and a recovery program for an Alanon. Now, I can't speak for Alanon because I don't know that much about it. But I can speak for being a recovering alcoholic.
And let me say that the last thing I would want to do is offend any of my readers who are members of Alanon. I have tremendous respect for Alanon and its members - particularly the ones who read my blog!
You may have noticed that alcoholics are like a black hole, a whirlpool, a magnetic field. We draw everything in. Nothing ever comes back out. We are self-centered in the extreme. Taking away the alcohol does not really change this. It only changes by conscious effort and the help of God.
I live alone. I am extremely independent. I am also used to everything being on my schedule, according to my needs and wishes. When something varies from this, I balk. But I must get over myself and go with the world according to the other 7 billion people from time to time.
I have a wonderful neighbor who loves to work outdoors. She sits inside all day in her job just like I do. When she gets off work, unlike me, she does not want to sit indoors and "rest." She gets out and weeds and waters, builds things, tears down things, and generally works her butt off. Occasionally, she will wander over the property line and help me to do these things that I have absolutely no desire to do. When she does, I am eternally grateful.
I can show my gratitude by changing my clothes and pretending to help her - work in my own yard! I can hold the log still while she chain saws it. I can carry around little sticks. I can tie the top of the huge garbage bag full of twigs. And when I am done with this, I can look around my yard at the lack of dead trees and the look of a clean, spruced-up place and have the good feeling that brings.
I know that other people have to learn how to say "no." I am not one of them. I have had to learn to say "yes." It still is not the first word that comes out of my mouth.
I am dependent upon the Grace of God, because left to my own devices, I would be sitting alone in my house (or alone homeless) - drunk. But by the Grace of God, I get to live sober among my fellows. Phew! That's a good deal!