Daave posted this link this morning. It is a short video from AA in the UK about the disease of alcoholism and AA. It moved me to tears.
I think one of the worst dangers about long term sobriety (and there are plenty, believe me) is the fact that we don't often think at a deep level about the desperation of that last drink. How horrifying our lives had become. We sometimes talk about these things in meetings, but really, how often do we really really remember what it was like to be shaking in bed, or puking, lying on the floor of the bathroom, when we were supposed to be cooking Christmas dinner? How often do I really remember what it was like to wake up in a motel room, with a strange man, when my children were at home -with a teenage babysitter - who was not intending to spend the night at my house?
When I hear people talk about how they don't want to hear "drunkalogues", it worries me. I want to hear them, and I want to tell my story as frequently as people will tolerate.
So, today I slept in. I am wearing satin pajamas, that have not once been urinated in. I am drinking a nice hot cup of coffee, straight coffee, no booze. It does not gag me. It is yummy. I am getting ready to use the new iPod my children got me for my birthday and go for a 5 mile run. Then later, I need to do some work (oh! woe is me! I have a job! I have responsibilities, and people trust me with high level duties that sometimes take more than 40 hours a week!) I need to send some Christmas cards - because I love many people and like to stay in touch with them. I need to go to Saks and return the $600.+ sweater my sister got me for my birthday and get something or somethingS more worthy, in my eyes, of that kind of money. I still have not done my Christmas shopping, but I will. I have some money for the purpose and I can do this.
I have this life today because I was desperate enough to call Alcoholics Anonymous on July 24, 1984. The day I thought my life was over. Wonderful, clean, healthy, happy men and women helped me and showed me they understood what it is like to drink like I did. What a miracle. I had no idea that my life was only beginning.
Thank you for listening.