Sunday, December 02, 2007
First Sunday in Advent
I am going to church this morning. I normally go on Saturday night, but last night I went to an AA function instead. I love Advent. The church is draped in purple, it is quiet, and dark, as we wait in joyful hope....
Yesterday I put up my Christmas tree. As I have not been in the best frame of mind this week, I started feeling bad that I was putting up the tree alone. Then I really reflected on Christmases past and what putting up the tree was like. In my childhood, my parents put up the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve. As well as wrapping all the gifts. In the mix there, my dad got drunk, and my mom got angry. My mother was an early prototype for Martha Stewart... our tree was always beautiful. But to get it that way was often a scene that sent me to my room crying and shaking in terror. When my kids were small, I let them do anything they wanted to our Christmas tree, and the results often looked like a bunch of little kids decorated it - which I think is just perfect!
So, yesterday as I was reflecting on these ancient history Christmases, I also remembered last year when my friends C., and H. came and helped me decorate my tree. Last year was so difficult with my son in Iraq. I had told them that I just couldn't bear the idea of having a Christmas with my son flying a helicopter over Iraq every day. They came, like the little AA angels they are, and we made a party of it. It was great fun.
Yesterday I didn't like the looks of any of my ornaments. So I went to Target and bought new ones. I bought many red bells (one of them is in the picture above) and glittery silver snowflakes for my tree. They were not expensive, so if I never want to use them again, I won't. My granddaughters are sure to drive everyone crazy when they realize those bells actually ring. Oh dear.
So, today perhaps I will get to knit, watch football, and admire my pretty Christmas tree and reflect on the wonderful meaning. And get to Thank God that I am sober today and am not creating bad memories for my children and grandchildren.