This morning I went to a meeting and stayed for an hour afterward talking. The talking was so nice. I have a friend who is one day younger than I am and sober 14 years. I really treasure our friendship. We were talking about age, not only in date of birth kind of years, but also in date of sobriety kind of years. We get set apart and are no longer one of the "girls." I never particularly wanted to be one of the "girls," but I never like to feel excluded either. Another woman piped in and said "I have always looked up to you!" I told her that was my point exactly. I am not sure she understood what I meant.
Don't get me wrong, I am glad there are people who admire me. That is very nice. But I don't feel really admirable today. I feel really worn out. It would be nice to just be one of the gang instead of set apart. I am not really complaining - it probably sounds like I am, but I am not. I am just tired after having been up most of the night with a horrible stomach ache last night. At one point I thought I was going to have to call an ambulance, but thank God I was able to go back to bed and get the pain to calm down and get the cold sweats to go away. Today I am fine, just tired.
I am going to go to a nearby park and run 12 miles. Then I can come back home and go back to sleep. I am looking forward to the 12 miles of sanity. It is amazing what happens to your thinking as you get into the rhythm of a long run.
I have no update on my daughter because I didn't talk to her all day yesterday. She hasn't called me. I heard from plenty of people who had heard from her yesterday and she is sitting at a nice psych/substance abuse hospital, running the whole world. Calling people telling them what to do, what's wrong with them, etc. I don't have time for that nonsense. Besides, she has plenty of folks who will indulge her, she doesn't need one more. I had really hoped that being locked up for a few days without meth would do her some good. Prayers, Prayers, Prayers.