Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Reducing it down...

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to things I CAN do. I was so happy when the blood bank called and told me they NEEDED my blood. Well, that is something I feel qualified to do. So I made an appointment and went and donated tonight.

I didn't cry at work today!

You know, it occurs to me that I might just be a museum curiosity. An unmedicated depressed person. Imagine that!

I spoke with my psychologist today and he believes that I am a "seasoned traveler" with depression and that I do a great job of doing it with (ego syntonic) humor and grace. I believe that relief will be coming soon - work will settle down and spring will come. I will make sense of and settle into my new financial situation. I will buy a new car or figure out how to live with a car that costs me ~ an additional $1,000. a month in repairs. In other words... this too shall pass.

He did congratulate me on not doing further damage. I hadn't considered that. I really could have quit my job. Quit Biblical School when I wanted to. Started smoking (woo hoo!!!!!!) or started drinking. Oh my goodness. There is nothing in the world I can think of that would be worse than starting drinking again.

And I have God to thank for that profound longing in my heart and soul to be sober above all. I could not have produced that desire in myself. God did for me what I could not do for myself.

Thank God.

11 comments:

wheelboy and son said...

Stay close to the Lord. He will lead carry and guide you when necessary.

If you enjoy comments as much as I do maybe you should think of switching off your word verification requirement, its a pain in the butt to busy bloggers

Pam said...

Maybe if you accidently leave the keys in the ignition someone will steal it.
I can't imagine our own hearts coming up with the all consuming desire to stay sober.

dAAve said...

There's a reason we are survivors of a fatal disease.

Scott said...

yea, there's always some positive perspective to be had... as awful or difficult as it might seem at times, it could always be much worse, especially for us alcoholics!

Garykfc said...

Hey, I can see your gratitudes!

Syd said...

I know that winter is the worst time for those who are depressed. And it will pass just as all the other things that are vexing to you at the moment. I saw some buds on the trees today and the daffodils are starting to shoot so spring isn't too far away.

Lou said...

I want to thank you, MC, for getting me to the point of really understanding what "God's grace" means. And how it applies to all that happens.

Scott W said...

Tanning salon.
Fresh flowers.
New linens.
Bake something fruity.
Prayer.

Kim A. said...

yes, sometimes it is the things that I don't do that show me that I am growing and learning. I live with depression too...it is a daily walk..one day, one moment at a time. I am at peace that you are at peace.

namaste

Patty said...

I really like Scott W.'s suggestion. 43 days until Spring!

Ed G. said...

I think I might run out of blood before spring ;-).

Nice to see you attempting to get to and live in a solution. I had to look up ego syntonic. It was worth doing.

Blessings and aloha...