to things I CAN do. I was so happy when the blood bank called and told me they NEEDED my blood. Well, that is something I feel qualified to do. So I made an appointment and went and donated tonight.
I didn't cry at work today!
You know, it occurs to me that I might just be a museum curiosity. An unmedicated depressed person. Imagine that!
I spoke with my psychologist today and he believes that I am a "seasoned traveler" with depression and that I do a great job of doing it with (ego syntonic) humor and grace. I believe that relief will be coming soon - work will settle down and spring will come. I will make sense of and settle into my new financial situation. I will buy a new car or figure out how to live with a car that costs me ~ an additional $1,000. a month in repairs. In other words... this too shall pass.
He did congratulate me on not doing further damage. I hadn't considered that. I really could have quit my job. Quit Biblical School when I wanted to. Started smoking (woo hoo!!!!!!) or started drinking. Oh my goodness. There is nothing in the world I can think of that would be worse than starting drinking again.
And I have God to thank for that profound longing in my heart and soul to be sober above all. I could not have produced that desire in myself. God did for me what I could not do for myself.