Thursday, February 04, 2010


This is a cell phone photo of the dinner I just had with one of my sponsees. We get together maybe twice a month. We have already gotten together twice this month (yes, and it is only the 4th!) and I am truly grateful for that. The dinner was a 6 oz. steak with blue cheese sauce, buttermilk and chive mashed potatoes, and squash. oh, it was divine. And the company was great. She called me out of the blue this afternoon and thank God.

Another sponsee had just texted and asked if I had gotten her text yesterday - the one that told me she was celebrating her 3rd birthday today. Well, no. If I had, I would have been there. What the hell kind of way is that to ask your sponsor to come to your birthday meeting - unless you don't really want her to come? I called her and tried to keep it to "I" messages - but that soon disintegrated when she started screeching at me about how she "tried" and how could I be "mad" at her, bla bla bla. I don't think I am interested in doing this. There are actual alcoholics who are actually interested in recovery from alcoholism who may be appreciative of some help with that. I don't think I need to waste my time with someone who is doing something that I don't even understand.... but doesn't involve following any direction or taking any actual steps as written in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. She actually talked about the "extra stuff" I wanted her to do... I told her that "extra stuff" was the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.... and she might want to do it if she would like to stay sober.

Oh, God bless us all. How we stay sober is a mystery.

Really, it is. I know a lot of you think you know the secret recipe. But hang around AA for long enough and you will see folks like the woman I just talked about who will stay sober and others who work their asses off get drunk.

I sure don't know. But I do know that I am not going to work harder on someone else's sobriety than they are. That just is not going to happen.

So, I will now lay my weary head down to sleep. Tomorrow I will be up at 4 to go to church before work. And a long day at work. And a meeting at 8 p.m. - which is crazy late for me.

I am so grateful for willing and wonderful sponsees that make it seem like a pleasure to work with them. I must focus on that. Must, must, must. And I am so grateful for my sponsor, who is a wonderful woman who has been willing to share her sobriety with me. What a blessing. I guess if you don't know what that is, there is no way to explain it. But I will thank God for it.


dAAve said...

The variance of our journies is amazing.
My sobriety program doesn't work for most others and that seems to work both ways. And that's OK, especially when we all stay sober.
Have a great day, please.

Pam said...

I think a lot of the people that I see stay sober, are not really alcoholics. It's painful to watch those who truly desire sobriety but continue to drink.
I wish I could go to chruch with you this morning.

Scott W said...

The man I took to the VA Hospital thought he could make it through that weekend, he ended up in rehab. He has been trying to stay sober for at least 26 years. What a hell on earth.

My sponsor says that I am not to work any harder than a sponsee.

It's all a mystery to me. I am just grateful that today I have thanked my Higher Power for keeping me sober, because God knows I couldn't do it.

Anonymous said...

I know I am one of those who has to be constantly vigilant. Every day sober is nothing short of a miracle to me!

I am so glad you had a nice evening!

Ed G. said...

I'm so glad you had a good meal and a refreshing time with a grateful sponsee. It's what I live for these days.

favulg (oh that doesn't go here... ;-) )

Blessings and aloha...

AnyEdge said...

Wow. I guess I am very lucky indeed to have the sponsee I have. Thank you MC for keeping me grounded.

Syd said...

I have a sponsee who uses the program to justify self-righteousness. I agree that there are others out there who need you. I am learning that I don't need to waste time with those who don't.

Kim A. said...

Please tell me you took home the leftovers or finished what was in the picture. It looks soooooo good. I'm eating oatmeal right now..oatmeal is is NOT steak...

Vigilance is a good word.


wendy said...

thank you for this post. I sometimes wonder why I'm still sober when other people relapse. I do the extra stuff irrelevant of how I feel and right now I don't feel much of anything. I'm really apathetic and want to push everything away. But I still show up to the best of my ability. Oh well - still acting my way to right thinking.

My sponsor tells me we are in the relationships we are in because God places us there to learn what we need to learn. Somedays, I wish there was a handbook so I knew which lesson I was working through.

Hope you had a good Friday.

Findon said...

Im grateful for sponsees too. I dont do the texting thing. I raeely answer my mobile either. Its not a thing I feel I have to do. Im at my meetings and out and about, and people have my home number so there is plenty of chances to meet. It works for me.