I am struggling with blogging again. I guess if you do something for 4 and a half years, you are bound to struggle occasionally. It all seems so self-indulgent. I guess I am reacting to some behavior of another blogger that has turned my stomach, and I watch the rest of the blogosphere go fawning over. It makes me want to just walk away in despair. But really it is none of my business. But to me it devalues what we do... if it is all about attention seeking and playing games and hide and seek and peekaboo.
I guess I want you AA guys and gals to really be sober. I guess I want you to really be practicing these principles in all your affairs. Which means I am out of my mind with unrealistic expectations. Except for those bloggers who have become my friends. They are the real deal, and I dearly love them. And I guess that is reason enough to be here.
Last night I picked up my daughter and drove my new 4 wheel drive vehicle through the snow to a meeting where a friend was celebrating 8 years of continuous sobriety. He happens to be the other shadow in my profile picture. I have known him since he got sober. As he recalls it, I was at his first meeting, but I don't recall that. That's OK. The point is, he is sober. He is serious about being sober and has been since day 1. It was so nice to be there. It was so nice to see some old friends. And it was so nice to be at an AA meeting where they actually talked about AA stuff.
As I posted the photo of hot chili on this post I thought of another blogger who described my blog as "comforting, like a bowl of warm potato soup." I thought that was a weird way to describe a blog... and I thought that perhaps that bowl of potato soup might have razor blades in it some days... because that seems to be what my blog is like.
I am grateful for some of you who love me anyway. XXXOOO