Note: I have gone back and edited this post - I am going to deliberately misspell words in an effort to never come up in a search for these things.
I have to give a presentation tomorrow to the hosspital's govverrning boddy. I would rather have a root canal. I would rather have a gynecological exam at the same time. I would rather speak to someone from the IRS. I hate this so much that I found a way to miss it the last two quarterly meetings. I got an e-mail from my boss' boss' boss last week telling me he expects me to be there. I sent him back a breezy little reply that I just hadn't been at the last two because of conflicting engagements, but I will certainly be at the next one!
The only thing on earth I could think of to make this slightly more palatable is new clothing. So I went shopping. We'll see how well this works.
Today I met with one of my sponsees before work. While we were talking, I casually referenced being on disability for five years - her eyes flew open in disbelief. "You didn't know that?" I asked her... she didn't know that. I wonder how much of my story I assume she knows, how much I assume everyone knows. How would she know? I don't talk about that much. It seems so long ago now.
Between 5 and 10 years of sobriety, I was on disability for depression. Major depression. I was truly disabled by it. It was a terrifying and liberating experience. Terrifying because I was truly disabled. Liberating because I learned to trust God in a way I never had before. It is amazing how much you can trust when you absolutely have no choice. I lived on a tiny amount of money that I got in a monthly check. I learned how to live on that. There was a period of time when I had no income at all. I tried to work for a while and was asked to please leave and not come back - from a menial job frying hamburgers!
After a number of years, I started back to work by working as a temp. I worked for a year here and there. When I applied for and got a call from a ppsychiattric hosspital offering me a job my closest friend in AA suggested to me that it would be a terrible idea for me to work there. Much too close to home. I am so grateful that although this woman had always offered me great advice before, I chose to ignore this piece of advice. I have loved almost every single day of the almost 16 years I have worked there. I started at an entry level job and went back to college and the rest is history. People love to call me a "success story" but sometimes I wonder....
Anyway, here I am sponsoring this woman for probably three years and she doesn't even know this about me. I guess I am just the old lady who knits in meetings...
And wears great shoes from time to time.