|Every five years or so, I want a McDonald's hamburger and fries. Yesterday was that day. (530 calories for the burger and fries)|
I cannot tell you how many nights I was awake listening to him on the phone. Drunk. The drama. The insanity. And for some reason, this man just could never get the idea that being sober is so much easier than being drunk. I was afraid of his bottom, because I thought there might not be a stop before death.
Last night as we caught up, I heard of the nearly lethal assault he suffered outside of a bar in Washington, DC. He had years of reconstructive surgery on his face after that. The marriage to an abusive man and the nerve damage to his right hand after he attacked him with a knife and nearly severed his arm. On and on. And on.
But he never wanted to hang out with a bunch of bums (his words). He never wanted to be embarrassed by not being able to join in a social drink. I spent more hours than I would care to admit trying to get him to see how ridiculous this was. Last night I didn't even bother. He is in his 40s, and he can decide if his life is working or not. When he asked about me, I certainly didn't have any assaults or near death experiences to tell him about. Maybe that's too boring?
In the afternoon, I was in a meeting with a bunch of folks. I found out that protracted abstinence is not a realistic prognosis for an alcoholic or drug addict. The normal course is relapse and repeated treatment. Really? I wonder if they ever considered that there is something defective in the treatment. Truly, this is an artifact of anonymity. I honestly think they do not know that there is a whole group of alcoholics and drug addicts who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. But in order to do so, we have to hang out with a bunch of bums. We have to submit to a leveling of our pride. We have to turn our thoughts to others. It is not appealing to alcoholics.
It would be easier to sit in a therapist's office and talk about how my parents fucked me up. How society wronged me. How my life has been one bad break after another. And then needing a drink to deal with it all.
Thank God there is another way and people are still finding it. I think it is ironic that what appeals to an alcoholic is the way that leads to a life of misery. What is less appealing is the way of finding a life beyond our wildest dreams. True, un-interrupted sobriety.
Thanking God today for so many things. Sobriety is always on the list.