Monday, February 27, 2012
Flowers and Patrol Cars
The meeting was good. We both left feeling wonderful. My daughter said "Oh momma! Let's do this every Sunday!" I said "sure," knowing that this likely won't happen. That's OK. It was nice.
Later in the afternoon, I decided to get in my car and try to find the place where I am supposed to meet my boss next week. We are going to drive to a hospital in another city and want to meet up somewhere so I can park my car and she can drive. I got so lost, and ended up doing something so boneheaded I could barely believe it. As soon as I realized my error, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw those flashing blue and red lights.
You may recall that I got a serious speeding ticket in January. There were many points assigned to me. Yesterday I sat and tried to figure out how many points this disaster was going to cost me. And how much money. I wondered if this would be enough points to lose my driver's license. And wondered at my sanity. I told the policeman I was "so lost." And I was.
When he went back to his car with my driver's license, car registration, and proof of insurance, I sat in the car and said the prayers of a drunk woman. "PLEASE get me out of this one. PLEASE, I will do anything, etc." I don't know when I last prayed like this. I usually pray the way I have been taught - "Your will, not mine, be done."
The policeman came back to my car after an interminable period of (my) agony. He lectured me sternly with a clipboard in his hand. I had the worst sinking feeling. I apologized and told him that I realized my error at about the time I saw his lights. He then handed me his card and told me he was not issuing a ticket but giving me a warning. I burst into tears and thanked him.
I shakily drove home and stayed there for the rest of the day.
I think God listens to the prayers of the desperate. I know he listened to me when I was a newly sober woman desperate to be sober. And I believe he listened to me yesterday. And I know that I need to stay close to him. I may be in a situation nearly as dire. I believe I am cruising to crisis - but hoping to avert.
Last night I talked with my sponsor for a long time. Thank God for her. And thank God she has known me for a long time and knows me so very well. I really need her.
I need to be out of here in a matter of minutes. I want to humbly ask for your prayers. And humbly ask you not to lecture me. Thank you.
And no matter what, I will not pick up a drink today - and hope none of you do either. By the Grace of God...