Flowers and Patrol Cars

Yesterday my daughter and I had so much fun going to my homegroup.  It is heartwarming in a way I can barely describe to see her interact with my old friends.  She was talking with one of them yesterday before the meeting and said something so outrageous that a woman nearby said "Mary!!!  I can't believe this is your daughter!"  The man she was talking with turned to me and said "Oh, I believe it, Mary was crazier than her back in the day."  My daughter looked at me with disbelief.  Why do kids always believe their parents were tame milquetoasts in their youth?

The meeting was good.  We both left feeling wonderful.  My daughter said "Oh momma!  Let's do this every Sunday!"  I said "sure," knowing that this likely won't happen.  That's OK.  It was nice.

Later in the afternoon, I decided to get in my car and try to find the place where I am supposed to meet my boss next week.  We are going to drive to a hospital in another city and want to meet up somewhere so I can park my car and she can drive.  I got so lost, and ended up doing something so boneheaded I could barely believe it.  As soon as I realized my error, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw those flashing blue and red lights.

You may recall that I got a serious speeding ticket in January.  There were many points assigned to me. Yesterday I sat and tried to figure out how many points this disaster was going to cost me.  And how much money.  I wondered if this would be enough points to lose my driver's license.  And wondered at my sanity.  I told the policeman I was "so lost."  And I was.

When he went back to his car with my driver's license, car registration, and proof of insurance, I sat in the car and said the prayers of a drunk woman.  "PLEASE get me out of this one.  PLEASE, I will do anything, etc."  I don't know when I last prayed like this.  I usually pray the way I have been taught - "Your will, not mine, be done."

The policeman came back to my car after an interminable period of (my) agony.  He lectured me sternly with a clipboard in his hand.  I had the worst sinking feeling.  I apologized and told him that I realized my error at about the time I saw his lights.  He then handed me his card and told me he was not issuing a ticket but giving me a warning.  I burst into tears and thanked him.

I shakily drove home and stayed there for the rest of the day.

I think God listens to the prayers of the desperate.  I know he listened to me when I was a newly sober woman desperate to be sober.  And I believe he listened to me yesterday.   And I know that I need to stay close to him.  I may be in a situation nearly as dire.  I believe I am cruising to crisis - but hoping to avert.

Last night I talked with my sponsor for a long time.  Thank God for her.  And thank God she has known me for a long time and knows me so very well.  I really need her.

I need to be out of here in a matter of minutes.  I want to humbly ask for your prayers.  And humbly ask you not to lecture me.  Thank you.

And no matter what, I will not pick up a drink today - and hope none of you do either.  By the Grace of God...