I don't know whether it is physical, mental, or spiritual. Likely all three. Physically, I have not been able to sleep for four nights now, I also have a sore throat and feel crappy, but who wouldn't on no sleep? That makes me crazy. Mentally - depression causes insomnia - so which comes first? Spiritually, I spoke for 30 minutes yesterday at a meeting and someone close to me told me last night that I didn't not mention "God" once. I nearly died when I heard that, at first I denied it, but then I realized he was telling me the truth... and it is both concerning and out of character.
Having my daughter here is both wonderful and awful. I have lived alone for a very long time. Today we hung out a bit, it was nice. I drove her to an NA meeting and picked her up. Then we washed the car, went to the grocery store to buy stuff for the food bank, and hung out here for a bit before I went to church. She is off to another NA meeting (Thank you God!) tonight. She is clean 11 days and sober 5 days.
After the meeting this morning, one of my friends cornered me and asked me, in the meaningful way, not the polite way - "how ARE you?" I told him "not good." And bless his heart, he put his arms around me, told me he loved me and told me to call him if I wanted. Of course, I have not called him.
Anyway, this is probably temporary. I pray I will get some sleep tonight. But before you start worrying too much about me (as if!) I am still doing what I am supposed to do. Went to a meeting this morning, then for a 6 mile run, spent time with both of my daughters, went to church, ate a good dinner... and now I will prepare to get to bed. Although I feel like crap, I am not laying in bed under the covers. Just thought you should know...
"I used to be ashamed of my condition and so didn't talk about it. But nowadays I freely confess I am a depressive, and this has attracted other depressives to me. Working with them has helped a great deal." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 231