Saturday, March 24, 2007

Rainy Saturday

It is pouring rain outside, which is wonderful. This spring is a revelation to me in every single way. I have truly never enjoyed a spring so very much.

My daughter did not get into rehab yesterday. She did show up, but they wouldn't let her in due to warrants. Her name will remain on the top of the list (for how long I don't know) while she hopefully gets this straightened out. I could write paragraphs about this, but the bottom line is - she still has to do more footwork to get in there. I pray she has the willingness.

Yes, this is difficult. She is a wonderful, loving, creative, intelligent, talented, athletic, and, of course, beautiful young woman. But right now, her whole person is overtaken by her disease. It is difficult to be a person in her life right now. But I am a person in her life, and I love her with all of my heart. So all I can do is be there to the extent that I can without adversely affecting my life and the lives of the other people in our family.

And I must never forget my own disease. It would love for me to forget, so that it could pry a finger hold back into my soul. I must take care of myself. I will get to a meeting this morning at 6:30 a.m., and get out for a run later, if it stops raining. I will talk on the phone with lots of alcoholics today and probably get to a meeting later on this evening.

Life is good. There is green everwhere outside and it is raining. It shows me that even in the dead of winter, there is life underground, waiting for its chance to re-emerge in the spring.

"The foundation stone of freedom from fear is that of faith: a faith that, despite all worldly appearances to the contrary, causes me to believe that I live in a universe that makes sense." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 51


Scott said...

oh MC, good for you and that wonderful, understanding attitude. I has to be difficult watchig your girl struggle and fight to get recovered. I will pray for God's Grace,a nd for her continued willingness. I also pray for your peace of mind to continue and that you remain aware of what you need to do for you!

Spring has sprungh ere as well and I am beside myself with joy. I LOVE this time of year!

lushgurl said...

Wow MC, I sure can relate to wanting your 'baby gurl' to be ok, but putting self first! I can never tell you enough how you inspire me...
I am ever so grateful that today, YOU are a part of my life in recovery. I hope your daughter also finds a better life 'here' than she's had 'there'.
(((HUGS))) and loads of love to you

Syd said...

Rainy days are my favorites. They are so relaxing and a Saturday rain is a good thing. I hope that your daughter gets the help that she needs. All will come in time.

Anonymous said...

holy cow, MC
what a difficult time - an what a positive point of view you have.

God bless you and prayers for you all

Mary Christine said...

Thanks everyone. I just had a half hour conversation with my daughter. Her boyfriend is giving her the money she needs to pay - and taking her to the courthouse... he is a wonderful man who is a former cop, I have no idea what he is doing with her...I take that back...I guess we all understand really.

Anonymous said...

MC..Having been through my own pain of watching my first born abuse drugs and alchohol, I can sympathize with your angst.
You are doing a good job taking care of yourself for today and someitmes that is all we can do for our kids..especially once they become adults themselves.
Big hugs to you and Happy Spring time..we are just waiting for the sunshine up here ..doh!
(twenty straight days of rain)

lash505 said...

Stay strong, I can't imagine going through that yet. I say yet because my middle son is my clone. It scares me to think of having to go through the deal. Your strong and have many years behind your belt. Thank god she has a strong mother today.

Trudging said...

It rain here too yesterday. Good for the soul I think