Might actually be more beneficial than a winter trip to warm climes. Last January I took a half-marathon trip to Phoenix. I love Phoenix. I loved being there. I loved the race, running through Phoenix, Scottsdale, and Tempe. I loved sitting by the pool after the race. I loved the hotel. I loved the palm trees. I loved everything about it. Except for coming home. This January, I took a trip in a car to Iowa for the funeral of a person for whom I had conflicted emotions - at best. The trip went south, even though I was going north - and east. Thank God. The weather was horrifying. The scenery was dreary and mind-numbing. The only thing nice about the trip was the kindness of strangers - and that was VERY nice. But when I got home, my state, my urban area, my suburb, my foothills, my little neck of the woods - it all just seems so NICE. I look out the window of my office in the daytime at what probably looked like a dreary winter landscape 2 weeks ago - and now it looks like a warm place - it is not all frozen, it melts in the mid-day sunshine most days. Some day, it will melt for reals and things will start to grow again.
This has been I think the most difficult protracted difficult time I have ever had. In the past, I have gone through divorces, custody battles, death of parents, crazy children, etc. But there was usually an end-point and some islands of sanity. This work thing has just infected just about everything. Throw a very long winter on top of that, oh, and a cut in pay, oh, and some financial difficulties, car troubles, etc... and you have a person who is not her usual self... that is me.
I am meeting with a sponsee after work tomorrow and that is good. She thinks she *needs* to talk to me... she has no idea how much I *need* her. I am so grateful for the wonderful relationships that God has blessed me with. I guess these are the islands of sanity and comfort that will sustain me....
11 comments:
When some time has distanced you from these difficult days, I'll bet you'll look back on them as a beneficial growth period in your life.
Or not.
You live in a very beautiful place. Your job is a beautiful place when you are there.
One who does nothing has none of these problems.
You live.
You continue to feel--for your co workers and for the patients--even though it's painful. I'm glad those people are not forgotten.
I hope your circumstances improve soon. I can certainly relate toward needing a sponsee in your life - and yet, my initial reaction is still to isolate and hide.
Blessings and aloha...
If this is the worst time of sobriety and you make it through then you can handle anything.
I say hallelujah to your last line. There are islands of sanity and comfort that will sustain you.
I am glad you have healthy distractions in your life. I bet you are an island of sanity and comfort to those around you. I know you are in blogland to me and countless others.
Spring will be coming and things will resolve at work one way or the other. Thank goodness for your life and your sobriety and all the good that you do for others.
Have you used the tanning bed lately? I signed up but haven't been yet. It always makes me feel a little better and a little spoiled!
I hope this "stuff" passes quickly and the shoots of the spring grass come soon...phhhht on that stupid groudhog.
Namaste
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