Thursday, November 10, 2011

Evening at the ER

I went to see my doc yesterday and he was very concerned about this pain I have had.  He ordered a bunch of labs and I went over and filled vials with blood and a little cup with pee.  All tests came back WNL except for one.  A test I am not going to name here because I know google only too well came back wackadoo.

Doc called me and told me to get myself to the ER for a CT scan to see if I had a pulmonary embolism.  I was pretty calm, I guess so much that my doc (who is a very sweet man) felt the need to let me know this is something that can cause sudden death.  Well, I knew that.  

I did have a CT scan with contrast ( I do not like that contrast stuff!) and waited for the results.

The good news is:  I have a perfectly normal chest - heart and lungs, and no broken ribs.  The bad news is:  I still am in pain.

I was prescribed pain meds and I took them when I got home.

Here's the other thing:  People from work offered to drive me to the hospital, and I refused. I would have called one of my daughters, but she is out of town doing an investigation.  The other daughter, the one who is my dear sober daughter - I thought I would like to call her, but knew she would go off the deep end and I couldn't deal with that right then.  I thought of calling my boyfriend, but felt sheepish about calling him for such a "significant other" event.  I called one of my dear friends who is a nurse but she did not answer, and I did not leave a message.  I called my sponsor who lives 300 miles away.  She offered to get in her car and drive 6 hours to be with me.  I cried.  I cried and cried and cried.  She suggested some people from the AA group and I said "no, no, no."  I felt so alone.

When I got home, my b.f. called and I told him what happened.  He sounded so hurt when he asked me "why didn't you call me?"  And then in the saddest voice I have ever heard, he said "I really wish you had called."  I told him I would in the future.  And that I was glad he wanted me to call, but I felt weird about it.  He made me promise not to go to work today.  And imagine this... I am not at work today.  I do have to go in this afternoon for a meeting I am chairing.

My sober daughter called and when I told her what happened, she wailed.  WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?  I told her "because you would have freaked out, just like you are doing right now."  And then, because she is sober and truly has a program... she told me a long story.  Her husband just withheld some information from her for the same reason.  She thought that was utter B.S., but prayed that God would give her some insight.  When I told her essentially the same thing her husband had said, she said "Wow, it really is me.  I need to work on this."  And I thought... why don't I sponsor anyone like this?

Anyway, I can see something I need to work on.  And I hate that.

But the truth is the truth.  And it shall set me free?

I thank God I have another day to be sober, to love the people in my life, and to ask God to help me to be more open to being vulnerable.  (yuk)

And don't any of you yell at me, OK?

Thanks.


15 comments:

Daisyanon said...

Praying for you MC.

Syd said...

And the chorus goes up from Blogland about calling someone, anyone to give you a hand and be an ear. Sorry that you had to go through the scary ER stuff alone. And I hope that you will be okay.
I don't like to bother others either but it is good to have someone to be there when the ER is involved. Take care, dear MC.

Lou said...

Why didn't you CALL me!!

Debbi said...

An early sponsor's 10-year-old son said to her, when she was in pain and wouldn't call someone, "Wouldn't you want your friend to call you if she needed something?" I've never forgotten that, and also never forgotten that asking someone for help is giving them an opportunity to serve. I'm not yelling, just sharing my experience. I'm so glad you don't have a clot, but so sorry you're still in pain.

Ms Jones said...

You sweet lady are so amazing. I read you EVERY day and so enjoy being a part of your life. (does that sound odd?) I could feel your anxiety just reading your post. Why don't we call? Hmm because of our ego saying we don't want to put anyone out? Yes? I can relate truly! So, why the continued pain? Any futher testing to be done? I will keep you in my prayers. Take care sweet lady.

The Little Way said...

I hope you start to feel better MC. You might have an inflammation of the lining of the ribs. I'm not sure it would show up on a CT scan. Also not sure what causes it but it is very painful. Hope you got some good pain meds to see you through. Take care, miss you.
Joyce

Last 100 Days as an Alcoholic said...

An intimate confession, shared.

dAAve said...

I could comment for days about this post. But I won't.
I really LOL at this though ...

"And I thought... why don't I sponsor anyone like this?"

Mary Christine said...

Hey guys, I did call two different people. Just sayin...

Simply Me said...

I hope you feel better soon! I love reading your blog and your honesty. I've recently learned (from Brene Brown's book) that vulnerability can be a gift of imperfection on the road to embracing who we are. I can relate that doesn't make the road any less bumpy or more likeable.

Mary LA said...

Well, I would have been tempted to drive to Cape Town and board a 23-hour flight to the US and arrive on your doorstep long after all the drama was over. I have an over-coping side --

Seriously, I hope they find out what is causing the pain and I am glad it is any of the other things. Take care Mary Christine.

Pammie said...

1. Mary, I never call anyone either because.....I do not know.
2. Good grief! What is the next step?
3. Are you still in pain this morning?
4. I'm praying for you my sweet cactus flower.

Hope said...

I hope you're feeling better soon, MC. Lighting a prayer candle for you here, today.

Annette said...

"My sweet cactus flower".....ha! I love that! So sweet.

Awww MC, you don't like to ask for help! I know that feeling too. Sometimes though we get flattened and we can't help but accept help and its a beautiful thing. I wish I could get to the beautiful part without being flattened though. Ya know what I'm sayin????

Secret Traffic Machine said...

I hope you're feeling better soon, MC. Lighting a prayer candle for you here, today.