|The latest photo my sober daughter posted on facebook|
I am not much of an al-anon member. I went during my awful marriage and I have always said that I believe al-anon saved my life. I went again when my daughter was a teenage meth addict runaway. I believe al-anon saved my life again. I bought the literature and read it. And I still have it and read it from time to time.
But I am an alcoholic. I think it is a dangerous thing for an alcoholic to decide that the alcoholism is in the past tense and whatever current problem is the problem now. If I had plenty of time, I would go to both programs, but I don't. So I go to AA and live by spiritual principles and I believe that helps me to live well in spite of whatever may be going on.
We have both lived through the agony of her periods of sobriety followed by relapse. She had two years of sobriety between her 16th and 18th years. She went to many rehabs where she seemed to have gotten something, but went right back to her old ways the moment the structure was gone. One day she had enough and by herself scraped together the bus fare to get to an AA meeting. She has been sober since then.
I thought if my daughter got sober she would be someone different. I think if I carefully examine who I thought she would be, it was a mini-me that I envisioned. She is not a mini-me. And really that is a good thing. She has gone off in directions I could never have anticipated. Like her sudden penchant for Harley Davidsons and the men who ride them. Her continuing to get tattoos, she is nearly covered with them now. Her piercing her face and having a little tear drop looking thing on her cheek. Her marriage to a man she only knew for 6 weeks. The insane x-rated things she posts on facebook. Et cetera.
I have been a bad mom a hundred times and asked her "Are you sober?" "Really?" I never saw a sober person act like you. You need to....... bla bla bla. And bless her heart, she has listened to me. Sometimes she has even taken my unsolicited advice. She does respect my sobriety and I am grateful for that because she has seen the most unflattering views of me over the years.
And then, she started college and has a 4.0 GPA. She is a real sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. She is the member of a couple of other fellowships that she qualifies for as well. She practices the principles in all of her affairs, trusts God and cleans house. She is now sober 34 months.
But it just doesn't look like I thought it would.
God is always teaching me something new. I certainly have learned a lot from this. And I think my lessons are not over. I pray he will give me the grace to appreciate the blessings in our lives, no matter what they look like.