|My sobriety countdown|
I watch other alcoholics, in meetings and on blogs, and they astound me with their wonderful working of this program. They are busy with service work and self-improvement. They have had spiritual awakenings and rigorously live by these principles.
I am sorry, but that is not my story. I have screwed up absolutely everything that could have been screwed up. In my first years of sobriety, I actually left meetings and made fun of people I met there. I had friends who were happy to join me in this past time. I put WAY more effort into my career than into my program. I lost custody of my kids when I was 6 years sober. My behavior with men was less than exemplary. I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
By the Grace of God, and when you behave like this it is clear that it is the Grace of God, I have not had a drink for 10,000 days.
Let me also be quick to add that there were a few things I did right. Like I went to meetings, I never stopped doing that. I got a sponsor. I tried to help other alcoholics. I usually had one or another suffering alcoholic camped out on my couch in those early years (which helped me to lose custody of my kids because sometimes these were unsavory characters).
But in balance, I don't think this small amount of work could possibly account for the tremendous bounty of blessings I have received.
When I could do better, I did do better. What a miraculous thing to find that suddenly you are a functional person in your community, in your workplace, in your family!
I am so very grateful for God's grace and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. They have made my life worth living. I can report that I actually have a peace of mind and I am happy about my life today. This is amazing news for someone who has been suicidal for a large percentage of her life. I am grateful for the people I have known over the years, and that includes quite a few bloggers. I am grateful for this small community of sober souls.
I better stop gushing about how grateful I am and put that gratitude into action by getting on with my day.
Thanks and Love,