|The doll I found - after searching at many, many stores|
I managed to get to the pool this morning and swim 1 kilometer. I am working my way up to one mile. I can't run 6 miles on my 60th birthday, so I will swim 60 lengths of the pool - for a total of 1500 meters, or .93 miles. It doesn't feel or sound as wonderful as 6 miles, but it is what I have to work with. And if there is one thing I have learned in AA, it is how to work with what I have, play the ball where it lays, etc.
I need help here - I am actually asking for advice - and then I will probably get annoyed with the advice I get - but here goes. My boyfriend urged me very strongly over the weekend to schedule the MRI for my foot and get this taken care of. I have a triathlon in June and I need to be fit in time for that. So, I called yesterday and scheduled an MRI for 6:45 a.m. on Sunday morning. I texted my guy with that news - he texted back "good for you!" Last night, he called and asked me if I wanted him to take me to the MRI. I hemmed and hawed and finally said - oh, it is so early in the morning - he said "I'll be up anyway..." I said I will think about it. I am not used to having a romantic type man want to help me and I am having a hard time being comfortable with it. I guess I should call him and tell him "Thank you, I would LOVE for you to take me to the hospital for my MRI." But my stomach kind of turns when I think of that.
Here is where I think I can't "trust my gut." My gut has years of maladaptive behavior - that it is perfectly comfortable with. My gut freaks out when I do something new and perhaps healthier. Is seems like it would be healthier to let someone who cares about me help me. But my nature screams "NO! Don't Do It!"
Let me hasten to tell you that I have no problem calling my AA friends for help with all manner of things. I call my sponsor many times each week - practically every day. I am good at asking for that kind of help.
I just have such a bad history with men that I really have no "gut" for what a healthy romantic relationship should feel like.
What's this got to do with sobriety? you may ask.... Here is what. I once heard an old sage say there are two things that people get drunk over - "romance and finance." I have found that to be true. I am not likely to get drunk over this, but it is confounding to me. I like to think I am pretty smart, but I think my 11 year old granddaughter would have more sense about dating than I do.
So, I have asked for advice... have at it. And I'll try not to argue or complain. (try)
And I will pray, because if I know anything it is this:
"Your Heavenly Father will never let you down!" -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 181