Thursday, December 22, 2011

Axis I Diagnoses

While shoveling 50 cubic tons of snow this morning, it occurred to me that I am not feeling like myself.  And then it occurred to me that I do have two axis I diagnoses (if you don't know what that means, county your lucky stars), one of which may be out of control right now.

Alcohol Dependence, sustained full remission

Depression Major, recurrent, in partial remission

I took these straight out of my electronic medical record.  I would not call what I have "alcohol dependence" but DSM IV does.  In fact, if that was my choice - I would not even include it in a list of diagnoses.  I have not had a drink for 27 years, I don't think I am dependent upon alcohol.  I am still an alcoholic though, every single day of my life.  The grace of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous seem to keep this in "full remission."

Major Depression however, now that is something I don't think about often anymore.  Because I found a way to keep it at bay without medications.  That something was running.  Also, eating well, avoiding white crap - like sugar and white flour - and sleeping well.  Getting a bit of quiet time, and some social time.  But really, I found the exercise to be the most important thing.

In recent years, my running has been a bit more like walking - race walking.  It has worked well for me.  It is fun, it is great exercise, and I thought it was sustainable into my 60s.

Then my foot started hurting.  And it kept hurting.  And no one knows what is wrong with it, although several doctors have suspected a stress fracture.  But the MRI this week ruled out a stress fracture.

I have been two weeks without getting outside and getting some miles in.  I have been swimming and spinning, but no miles.

I feel like crap.  I feel unhappy and a bit irritable.  My life seems like a mess.  Absolutely nothing has changed except the lack of good exercise.

So, you may say "rest!" and think that is a good solution, but it is not working out so well so far.  I am going to go out with my running group on Saturday and walk a slow 3 miles - probably in some new shoes.  I will get out in the air and see my friends.

I have called myself "high maintenance," I really am.  I have found a recipe that works for me.  And right now one of the major ingredients is missing.

But like everything else, I will trust God and "put one foot in front of the other" metaphorically speaking.  If you are so inclined, I could use a prayer or two.

Thank you, and God bless you.




13 comments:

dAAve said...

How about if you start flying? It wouldn't bother your foot.
Orrrrrrr.......
Raquetball.

Elizabeth said...

I hope the new shoes will help! I know how frustrating it is when you can't run. Running becomes such a part of you.

wendy said...

thinking of you and how you are feeling. I don't know your specific pain, but I can relate to how hard "rest" is when movement is (often) the best medicine.

Ms Jones said...

I totally understand the exercise thing. As a woman in her 50's that loves the gym, working out and running I had to give up the running in the beginning of the summer. Knee surgery just wasn't enough. doc says do other things, but no running! So, I adapted. The eliptical and I are best friends. I find I can work up a sweat, put no major impact on the knee and know that I am increasing my health by doing so. I know you love the outdoors and I do too, but I am not a gluten for pain. (not saying you are..) love your daily writings!!!

Anonymous said...

Maybe go outside and make a Snow Angel and a Snowman for Christmas..on whatever Axis you want..Make one for Me too.

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

I have a little bit of the blues this Christmas. This is an improvement from being nuts last Christmas.

I do feel better with exercise but when I am down I resist doing what is good for me.

I have had problems with my feet and recently found it was really my hips and back out of alignment. Just a thought.

Debbi said...

You are the second online friend this week to talk about how a lack of running due to injury is causing more than just a lack-of-running issue. I will pray for healing and for God's will for you, Mary.

Lou said...

I have been told several times by different docs to stop running. I never have.

Love ya, MC.

Patty said...

Sorry you are down. Sending a prayer wrapped in a hug.

Syd said...

I hope the outing with friends helps. I get it. My exercise is important and I find that when I am not out on the boat things are not as serene for me. These are staples of life.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

I am praying for you, and like all things powerless to be treated by human ideas I will hope and wait for the miracle that always comes when we believe that there is a Power greater who can solve all our problems, if we relax and take it easy seeking that intuitive thought...

shadowlands said...

i only just read this. Will pray xx

Anonymous said...

Hi, I can empathize. Like you, running 'worked' for me - for 30 years, helped me sleep, eat right, have energy, zest. A stress fracture at age 47 put an end to that. But good news! I met a marathon runner from a family of famous runners. She'd been injured and showed me simple running in place in pool where I do laps. Amazingly effective! I mostly swim and run in place in pool, but will use eliptical from time to time if don't have time for drive to pool. HP has ultimate control, and for time being, has given me this gift of exercise. Much luck, and prayers.