Monday, December 19, 2011
I only read a few blogs this morning, because I need to be at work right now and instead I am sitting in sweat drenched bike shorts and shirt. I need to make this super quick.
The MRI yesterday was fine. My head did not need to be in the tube, so I got to skip the whole claustrophobia thing. It was nice to know the man was sitting outside in the waiting room - waiting for me. I even let him keep my purse for me.
When we got to the place, it was 6:20 a.m. There was only one person there. A great huge black woman with orange hair. She was yawning and complaining about how tired she was. She started talking about her Christmas shopping and I responded to something. She looked at me as if to say "Excuse me? Was someone talking to YOU?" And I realized she was talking to my boyfriend. They had a great chat, and I sat looking at my phone. She did most of the talking, and he listened attentively. He does that well. It was very heartwarming to me.
I am devoid of ideas this morning. I think I am in survival mode. I wouldn't say it is going to be a difficult week, because I will make every effort for it not to be. But let me tell you, it is going to be an effort.
This phony family happiness crap is not my strong suit. I have a lifetime of memories to deal with. I have a fractured family that still has sharp edges that seem to get sharper at this time of year. And I don't have to pretend it is something different.
It is what it is. That is where I need to start. And when you start from reality, you are more likely to have realistic expectations and plans.
I know that God will be with me every second of every day. And that is really all I need.