Controversy

Roses of Summer  - it is hard to believe you will ever return....

I went to my home group yesterday.  That little room is like an oasis in my life.  I walk in and people greet me so warmly.  Old friends and strangers alike.  There were two men celebrating 10 years of continuous sobriety.  Another was celebrating, but didn't get out of bed in time, so he went to another, later, meeting.  He is the other shadow in my profile photo.

A man came and sat next to me.  He has known me since I got sober.  That means he is sober longer than me.  I am so grateful for those who came before me.  And particularly grateful that many of them are still around.  Our paths have been closer than now over the years.  I was engaged to a man who was a dear friend of his, so we used to take trips together and stay in the same houses.  I know his wife.  I know him.  He understands the deep wound I carry around from that relationship ending.  He told me a few weeks ago that the man I loved so dearly is still asking about me.  He still pines for me.  I know what his pining looks like because he was pining over someone else when we first met.  Oh, if he only could have stayed sober!

In the meeting a young man was called on.  He said he was grateful to be sober, and that he would like to listen because there were so many people there who had so much sober experience he really liked to just sit and listen rather than talk.

Wow.

The rest of yesterday I reflected on what is different about this group and the other one.  The one where so many people are going in and out and in and out and in and out.  

First of all, there is a strong core of sober members.  They are not shy about telling someone when their head is up their ass (sorry for the vulgarity, but I cannot think of another way to say this).  They are not shy about suggesting that people ought to try STAYING sober instead of "keep coming back!!!!"  They are not shy about talking about GOD.  And the STEPS.  They actually WORK with others instead of just coming to meetings and talking about how great their sobriety is.  They actually know each other outside of the rooms.  It is a strong group.

OK, I'll get off my soapbox now.  I am grateful as can be that I can drive 30 miles and be at this miraculous little place.

Today I am having dinner with a sponsee.  It will be good to see her.  It has been a couple of months.  She is very dear to me (even though she is skinny and I am not).

And I keep thinking about something that happened on Saturday.  There is only one woman in my running group that I don't particularly care for.  I have tried to like her.  I have been as nice as I can be to her.  There were three of us talking, and the woman I don't really like mentioned that she was "drinking a bottle of wine every night."  And then having a hard time sleeping.  The other woman said that she drank a bit of wine, but found that if she didn't drink it, she slept better - sounds like a normal drinker to me - she can quit if given a good reason to.  The other woman, the one I don't really like said "Well, should I go to AA Mary?"  in a very snotty way.  I thought that was odd because I have never said anything to these people about being a member of AA - they know I don't drink, but I never had a good reason to tell anyone of my alcoholism or recovery.  I said to her "Only you can make that decision."   I thought it was a great answer for thinking on my feet - it did acknowledge that I am, indeed, an AA member.  And that I wasn't taking "D"'s inquiry as lightly as she intended.  Hell, I don't know if she has a problem, but she did sound like she might think she does.  And if she is one of us, that "bottle" of wine, is probably more like two or three.

When I think of all the AA meetings I have sat in, and spoken in, over the years  - I realize that probably all sorts of people recognize me and know all the gory details of my life.  I have had that experience before - in a restaurant some stranger walking up to me and talking about things I only tell my closest friends - or people in an open AA speaker meeting.  Yikes.

It's OK.

I have an appointment in 8 minutes.  I better get away from the computer.

Let's all stay sober today, OK?