I am trying very hard not to be discouraged about this "failure." Coach later wrote me an e-mail telling me that she got so sick, she sat down on the curb at about 16 miles (they were going to do 18) and called her husband to pick her up. She has never done that, in 12 years of training. That helped me to know that I wasn't just being old or fat or out of shape.
I thought about the fact that I have never cut a planned long run short. I have always gutted it out. And then I thought about feedback I have been given by friends, particularly boyfriends, over the years. That I am so "tough." I never say never. I get determined and then go forward like a steam roller. That is sometimes a good quality, sometimes a bad quality. It is not particularly endearing to others - especially men. Today I had no choice but to give up.
I came home and bathed, ate, and slept for a while. Then I sat down and read that entire book and wrote my paper on it. Just like I did in college. It was probably good for me.
I don't want to quote this religious dude on this blog, but there was something in that book that I had never heard or considered before. That at night when we finally go to sleep, we surrender and God gets to work on us, all night long. I thought about the way my mind can change overnight -seemingly induced by rest and a fresh mind. Now I wonder. No, I don't even wonder. Now I understand how this happens.
Tonight I hope he will work on my body as well as my spirit.
It is nice to feel so loved by God. I think I will let him get to work now!