Wednesday, August 04, 2010


The crickets are loud tonight! I think that means that summer is on its way out. I was sitting on my front porch just now listening to them. And looking at the above scene. I purchased this crazy solar lantern for my front porch this year. It is probably tasteless, but I really like it. It changes color from red to purple to blue to green... and on and on and on all night long. And all day long it soaks up the sun.

Sometimes I think I like things like this because I know how much my mother wouldn't. I hate to think that I am almost 59 years old, my mother has been dead for 39 years, and I still have a bit of a rebellious streak. Everything had to be "just so" at our home. I thought it was an incredible amount of pressure. Isn't a home supposed to be for the pleasure of the people who live there? I have tried to arrange my homes for the comfort of whoever lived in them with me - even if only me. My current home certainly is a comfortable place. My sponsor says that walking into it is like "a loving embrace." wow.

This morning I woke up at 3 a.m. and was unable to get back to sleep. I really hate that I do that. I tried to make good use of the time and went to a 6:30 meeting. It was nice to be there. I met up with an old friend and sponsee.

Work seems to have turned some kind of hideous corner since I wrote about loving my job. I have been wondering how I can possibly retire years sooner than I had planned. Or scheming to do something else. Amazing how things can change so quickly. Hopefully they will change quickly again. Every day I redouble my efforts to put a smile on my face and be as pleasant as I can and work as diligently as I can. (Would redoubling actually be quadrupling?) That is all I know how to do. Well, that and pray. And try to turn my thoughts to others.

And get to bed now and pray for a good night's sleep.

And thank you for reading this.



dAAve said...

You DO have a very warm home.

redouble = quadruple?
Maybe. Maybe not.

shadowlands said...

It's 3.56am here, and I am tired but awake.

If you could just learn to walk on your hands Mary, it would appear as if you were smiling anyway, then you wouldn't have to go to all that bother to smile? ;)

I love your light. I want one too. I have a glass cube, with Our Lady's image inside. It lights up. Red, orange, blue and maybe yellow, memory fails me. It looks really tacky, but I love it and always have it flashing on and off, whenever anyone visits who I might feel intimidated by.They watch it, and I watch them, smiling. Also for the friendly visitors, who just look and say, "Aaaah, that's cute"

My Presbyterian Scottish friend got it for me, (AA member too)for Christmas and sent it down in the post. I smiled when I opened it.

Insomnia sucks, especially with a runny nose to boot!

Mary LA said...

You're handling a great deal of pressure very gracefully. I like your solar lantern.

Syd said...

I like the light. I have solar powered ones in our yard along the walk way in the back yard at home and a couple on the boat. Solar is awesome.
Sorry about the job situation. I felt much the same over the last few years. It was no longer about science but the administrators were making it about them and their paperwork. I am glad to be retired from that job. Now onto other things that are exciting.

Jess Mistress of Mischief said...

COOL lantern!


Redoubling could quite possibly be quadrupling, of course for me it's prolly not since I would just have resented and reinventoried which means I'm beginning again to make the effort I once made before the re's happened.

PJ said...

I LOVE your lantern, and the sense of fun and humor it invokes. A great reminder not to take ourselves too seriously, plus I know your grandkids must think it's way cool (or whatever they're saying these days -- omg, I suddenly feel very old!).

Your job situation resonates with me deeply. I thought my job was the best thing that had happened to me since I got sober until about 6 months ago, when it became a living nightmare. My prayers are with you. I pray that your HP will sustain you and grant you continued grace and strength as you endure, and wisdom and guidance as you consider your options. xoxo