Along with my order tonight, I picked up an identical gift bag and told the young man at the check out that I wanted to pay for it but not take it - explaining what happened last week. He had no idea how to do that. He had to call a manager over to help him. I explained to her what happened. She looked at me like I was from Mars (I seem to get this a lot lately), but did understand. She said "thank you, not many people would bother doing this." I told her that I didn't feel right about it and I needed to make it right.
It is such a small thing. But I think it is small things that can lead to big things and then we end up drunk. That sounds dramatic, but I really believe it is true. I have seen so many people over the years get away with a little dishonesty, then try a bigger one, then a bigger one, and the next thing you know, they have got a big mess on their hands. And when you have a big enough mess on your hands, a drink might seem like a sensible idea. Rigorous Honesty is just that. Rigorous. I cannot afford a $1.99 bag that I did not pay for.
So, tonight I am making sauce for lasagna. Tomorrow I am making a late birthday dinner for my only son. He turned 34 earlier this month. And for the last 31 years, he has wanted the same thing for dinner - lasagna and banana cream pie. These are not my personal favorites, but it is a personal favorite annual custom to make these things for him. He and his wife will come over for dinner tomorrow night. How wonderful. It still makes me cry to think of how happy it is to have him and his little family just down the road... after those years when he was away at war. There is likely another war in his future, but for today, he is at home with his wife, expecting their first child, and will come to his mother's for a huge birthday dinner. Just for today, it is good.
I cannot run with my group tomorrow. I had blisters on my feet after the race last week. The blisters on my heel have already healed, but the blisters on the ball of my foot have become infected and very painful. I saw my primary care doc today who prescribed a course of antibiotics. I need to stay off it for a little while. I also will go purchase a new pair of running shoes. That pair only had 300 miles on them, but I think they are shot.
Enough out of me! Grateful on a friday night for my hot house, reeking to high heavens of tomato sauce, windows open, breezes blowing the sounds of crickets through every room. It is a wonderful night to be sober.