Yesterday's sunrise was pretty stunning, wouldn't you say?
I SO don't have time to write this post... I am sitting in a football jersey and nothing else, with my hair in a ponytail - and my fella is picking me up in an hour and a half - I gotta get in the tub and get myself ready.
So, I am two months away from my 60th birthday. Somehow I thought this wasn't going to bother me. But I think I am feeling the effects. Not in the ways I might have expected. More in ancient hurts and regrets than in worries about the mirror or the 401k, etc.
Yesterday I had the Nebraska game on while I was doing my housework. I heard that the coach and several players hailed from Cardinal Mooney High School in Youngstown, Ohio. Honestly, I sat down and wept. I just cried. I am crying right now just thinking about it. I grew up with that being my dream, my goal, my life's ambition. I got to go to that school (in 1965) for 8 months before my parents moved and I had to go with them. I still remember my navy blue uniform and all my little cardigans with matching knee socks, my Bass Weejuns, my ability to go to daily Mass on my way to class. The weekly football games, the friends I had known all the way from first grade, etc. The roots. Being where I belonged.
But in April of my freshman year, I moved to a suburb of Chicago. I had to go to a public school because all of the Catholic schools were full. Can you say Culture Shock? It only took me a couple of months to add alcohol to this mix and then we were off to the races.
In 1999, I went back to Youngstown Ohio to visit my old friends. We walked through Cardinal Mooney High School. It broke my heart all over again. When I heard my friends talk about their trip to Europe and their this and that, I thought - wow, this could have been my life. I could have told them about my stint in the home for unwed mothers, but thought that wouldn't really fit.
So many things happen in life. I have spent so little time looking back. It is so useless to regret.
But yesterday it really smacked me.
Thank God for a sponsee who needed to come and see me yesterday afternoon. We had a lovely visit. She brought me the most wonderful gift from Amsterdam - I will take a photo later this week. I am sure you will be as surprised as I was!
Have a wonderful sober day everyone. I will ask God to help me not to spend too much time in regret, and I bet he'll help you too!