Friday, September 09, 2011
I have really begun to realize that I am no longer smack dab in the middle of AA. That's a dangerous situation in many ways, but I don't think I can do anything about this - other than have a drink and become newly sober. That's not something I would want to do. So, I shall remain someone who is, by virtue of being sober a relatively long time, sort of apart from the rest. I wish it weren't so, but it seems to be. My experiences are different than most of the people sitting in AA meetings now. The thoughts I express seem to be about 180º apart from most. And my age separates me from the young girls giggling around each other at meetings.
So, about a month ago I had a sponsee who was calling, texting, and visiting a lot. She was in crisis. I finally told her she needed to get some professional help. She was suicidal and had some PTSD issues that I know I cannot help her with. I think I would be doing her a terrible disservice to pretend I could help her with those.
I called her several times within the last week or so. She never returned a call. I sent her an e-mail yesterday and asked her why she never returned my calls. I asked if she was OK. She responded that she is seeing a counselor. And she is still having a hard time, etc.
But in between the lines, the message I got was that she is now seeing a counselor and there is no need to return my calls. Seriously? I have been her sponsor for 7 years. I didn't consider that her seeking professional help was the end of our relationship, but I guess I may have been wrong.
I will talk with her about this in the next few days. Because I think she needs to know that this is hurtful to me. And it might be emblematic of some of her problems in relationships with others.
I see the sponsorship relationship as a very profound, spiritual relationship. It is disturbing to me that someone might perceive it as a utilitarian one.
I will trust God that this will be as it should be.