Saturday, November 25, 2006

The "Season"

I am writing real quick (I hope) before I begin a huge day. It is the season for huge days. So, I am heading out for a 6:30 a.m. AA meeting. Followed by a quick 3 mile run. Then I will head to the grocery store and purchase the ingredients for candy making later today. I will head home, get bathed, dressed, and my granddaughters are coming over. Well, they are not exactly "coming over". My ex-husband is bringing them over. (The ex-husband who hasn't spoken to me since 1997.) We will spend the morning and afternoon making candy to send to my son. Once the candy is made, I swear to you, it is leaving this house - I cannot, indeed, I will not eat a shit load of candy this year.

My ex has taken custody of my granddaughters. I am very relieved, but also incredibly sad and very concerned. My daughter is physically not able to care for them after her car accident, but frankly, she was not capable of caring for them before her accident. It was only a matter of time before someone had to take them. And I thank God it is their grandfather and his wife. I hope I will get a chance to talk with either of them today, but that may not come to pass.

This was one of those relationships that the amends process did not magically make "right". I know that I cannot undo the damage I have done, I can only take responsibility for it and do the best I can not to do any more damage. I also cannot control the way they feel about me, and if they hate me until they die, I will just live with it.

So I get to spend the day with my precious granddaughters. We will make candy to send to Iraq to their precious uncle. (I missed another of his calls while sitting in an AA meeting last night - you should have heard the language that came out of my mouth when I realized that - and I was at my church - hope no church people heard me!)

"We ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 102

11 comments:

Motorcycle Mike - Sober Biker said...

Bless you for caring and sharing...

dAAve said...

see above

NMAMFQLMSH said...

Hey MC - Have a great day with the granddaughters. I hear you on the candy thing....I have so many sweets leftover from Thanksgiving...I swear I will not eat it...yeah right.
I will keep you daughter in my prayers and thoughts but then again I always do...I'll just add an extra special one.
I would love to send you son something.....e-mail the address if that is o.k. Actually I think it would be a great idea if we all did it. Hey, maybe I'll post about it.
Love you tons,
JJ

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Dying for a Drink said...

Dear MC, you may find that being united in your desire to do what is best for your daughter brings an element of healing to your relationship with your ex-husband. When the focus is not you or him, but your daughter, you may find that things can improve. Or you may not. Either way, you are doing the very best you can for all your friends and family. Which of us could possibly do anything more?

Take care and don't taste-test that candy!

Shannon said...

Hey MC, have a wonderful afternoon with your granddaughters, and your ex.Thinking of you and sending prayers for your son, and daughters and granddaughters

Anonymous said...

Many hugs to you, MC. Thank you for sharing :)

Trudging said...

I used the word ass last night in church. And I was at actual church not a meeting. Progress not prefection.

Sober Chick said...

What kind of candy are you making??? Wise choice to not keep it in the house. :) It is good that your granddaughters have the love and care of your ex and his wife. Somehow it seems like those little girls are being granted the necessarry love right now -- hopefully they can stay out of the adult world and just receive the nurturing they need.

Have fun candy making. You gonna take pics?

Christine said...

I can relate to that amends not making the difference like the other amends

I jokingly said to my daughter in law last weekend that maybe my exhusband won't remember that he hates me--- but her answer stopped me, cause its his wife I needed to make amends to and she wouldn't meet with us at the time--- and she won't let him forget he hates me

boy I caused some damage