I am writing real quick (I hope) before I begin a huge day. It is the season for huge days. So, I am heading out for a 6:30 a.m. AA meeting. Followed by a quick 3 mile run. Then I will head to the grocery store and purchase the ingredients for candy making later today. I will head home, get bathed, dressed, and my granddaughters are coming over. Well, they are not exactly "coming over". My ex-husband is bringing them over. (The ex-husband who hasn't spoken to me since 1997.) We will spend the morning and afternoon making candy to send to my son. Once the candy is made, I swear to you, it is leaving this house - I cannot, indeed, I will not eat a shit load of candy this year.
My ex has taken custody of my granddaughters. I am very relieved, but also incredibly sad and very concerned. My daughter is physically not able to care for them after her car accident, but frankly, she was not capable of caring for them before her accident. It was only a matter of time before someone had to take them. And I thank God it is their grandfather and his wife. I hope I will get a chance to talk with either of them today, but that may not come to pass.
This was one of those relationships that the amends process did not magically make "right". I know that I cannot undo the damage I have done, I can only take responsibility for it and do the best I can not to do any more damage. I also cannot control the way they feel about me, and if they hate me until they die, I will just live with it.
So I get to spend the day with my precious granddaughters. We will make candy to send to Iraq to their precious uncle. (I missed another of his calls while sitting in an AA meeting last night - you should have heard the language that came out of my mouth when I realized that - and I was at my church - hope no church people heard me!)
"We ask simply that throughout the day God place in us the best understanding of His will that we can have for that day, and that we be given the grace by which we may carry it out." Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 102