I went grocery shopping this morning because the thought of doing it tonight does not appeal. I am sad that there is no turkey in the above picture, but that is life.
I woke up maladjusted to life this morning. I cried before I even got out of bed. And then I cried when I prayed. And then I cried when I checked my e-mail. A friend sent me a Thanksgiving e-card expressing his gratitude for my friendship and I sobbed like a small child. Last night I sat at an AA meeting and my phone buzzed (I silenced it of course, like a good AA member). When I left the meeting, I checked my voice mail and it was my son, calling from Iraq and sounding more tired and older than I have ever heard him. I think he might sound older than me. I can't believe I didn't just get up and leave that meeting. I didn't realize it was him....
Today I have to give a presentation to the Medical Executive Committee - a death review. Sounds like fun, huh? Yeah. I think so too. I hope I can stop crying by then.
My back still hurts and I did not go to the doctor. I have a really really bad back, so this is nothing new. Thank God for ibuprofen.
I really better work on some gratitude this morning:
- I am not flying anywhere this weekend
- I am not driving more than 15 miles to anywhere this weekend
- I am sober and will not be drinking my thanksgiving dinner
- I most likely will not piss anyone off tomorrow
- I will most likely not break any hearts tomorrow
- I am an AA member, so I always have a fellowship
- I have very good friends in Alcoholics Anonymous
- People are looking forward to my pies tomorrow at the club
- My daughters are looking forward to eggs benedict for T'day breakfast
- I am meeting a new friend at church tonight, she is an AA member as well as a member of my church.
- A sponsee I recently fired has asked me to sponsor her again and said she would actually be compliant this time
- She also said that she knew I loved her even as I was firing her
- I actually am capable of loving other human beings today
- My daughter and granddaughter were not seriously hurt in the car accident last Friday
- I can sit here and know I will be late for work and know that as an exempt employee, I can do this
- I can show up and give a presentation this morning that scares the shit out of me
- I live in Colorado and it is so beautiful here
- People actually read this blog and care about me
- I actually care about my fellow sober bloggers
THANK YOU and HAPPY THANKSGIVING. See you and your half naaked selves tomorrow.
"Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 89