I left work early yesterday because my drive in was so terrifying I was shaking by the time I got to work. I told my boss that I was more than happy to take vacation leave in order to get home and stay home. I believe I am staying home today as well. There is nothing on my calendar for today, all my big deals were over at noon yesterday. I will gladly take vacation leave to sit at home safely and knit.
Even though I will be at home alone, I will still need to turn my thoughts to others. I absolutely must do this every single day of my life. I cannot sit around and think about myself and expect to be a happy person. I recall a time when I was sober about 10 years, I was going through a divorce, was unemployed, and had a host of problems. A dear friend said to me "I can tell you why you are so unhappy." I very much respected him and was so delighted that he was going to share this insight with me. I eagerly asked him why I was so unhappy, and he had the unmitigated gall to say to me "you are so unhappy because you think about yourself 25 hours a day." Well, of course, I could argue with him, because, as we all know, there are only 24 hours a day. But I must admit, I was using every single one of them to think of myself.
And that is a certain recipe for an unhappy alcoholic Mary Christine.
I cannot improve my lot in life by thinking about it. I cannot improve my self-esteem by trying to convince myself I am great. I cannot recover from alcoholism by wishing it were so.
There is a chapter in our book called "Into Action." It is not called "Into Thinking."