If you have read me for a while, you know that I gave birth to a baby girl child when I was 15 and gave her up for adoption. If you want to read a post about that experience, go here. We found each other when she was 20, and lost touch with each other not long after that. The last time I spoke with her, it was 1990 and she was pregnant. I have been trying to find her since then. I figured she had gotten married and I would never be able to find her without her last name. I wasn't sure if she knew my maiden name, which I took back after my last marriage. I had pretty much lost hope that we would ever find one another.
Today I got an e-mail from her. She found me via google search. Of all things, she found me listed on the webpage for my HOA - thank God I didn't quit when I wanted to or my name and e-mail address would not have been there. She wasn't real sure it was me, so she just told me her maiden name and asked me to contact her. I sat at my desk at work and just started crying. I said a prayer and picked up the phone to call her. I left her a message. She sent me another e-mail.
This e-mail had pictures of her. And my 24 year old grandson. 24. year. old. grandson.
And my 22 year old grandson. 22. year. old. grandson.
And my 18 year old granddaughter. 18. year. old. granddaughter.
And in a twinkling, my family size nearly doubled. I looked at pictures of these people. Who look like me. My daughter looks like my mother. Or even more like my Aunt. I think my brand new 18 year old granddaughter looks like me when I was a teen. Lots of eye make-up, long hair, defiant expression on her face. I can't even conceive of these people being my offspring. And that they might actually want to have anything to do with me after our history.
My daughter called a little after 4, and we talked until 5. Neither of us wanted to get off the phone. She told me that she always assumed that I would find her if I wanted to because she thought I knew her adoptive parents' phone number. I lost that many years ago and I wouldn't have had the nerve to call anyway. She finally decided that she would make the effort and was able to find me right away. I always have tried to be really transparent so that I could be found by her. In fact, it is kind of funny that I kept my land line and a publicly listed phone number for years so that she could find me - I just got rid of that in November. And she found me anyway.
As we were hanging up, I put her name and number into my cell phone. I marveled at the fact that I had her name. And her number. And we had found each other.
I told her that I always feel like there is a hole where she belongs. That every time someone asks me how many children I have and I say "three," I feel like I am lying. She said "now you can say four."
Now I can say four.
I have four children. Three daughters, ages 42, 29 & 29. One son, age 32.
I have five grandchildren. Two grandsons, ages 24 & 22. Three granddaughters, ages 18, 8, and 5.
And when we hung up, she said "I love you Mom."
What a flaming miracle.
I was reminded of my friend Don C. who used to say "Everything works out if you just live long enough."
I only know one way I could have lived long enough for this to happen... to stay sober, one day at a time, living by spiritual principles, and trusting that God knew what he was doing.
Thank You God for your incredible love and healing.