I didn't fire her immediately, but likely will very very soon.
She would make a great first sponsee for some woman with a year or two. They might enjoy browbeating her into doing some work. It is my philosophy that if you are done drinking and desperate to be sober (as you should be when you get to AA), you are happy to do a little bit of writing or meeting or driving or cleaning or counting or really just about anything (reasonable) that you are asked to do. I don't think it is my job to make her willing. I have sponsored her for 2 months and she has not done one thing I have asked. I think that it is time for her to find someone else to work with because I have other things to do - like work with people who are willing.
On that note, I am heading out of here this morning to meet with a sponsee. She gets up and gets to a meeting by 6:30 and stays after to talk with her sponsor. I don't have to browbeat her into doing this, in fact, she is grateful for the opportunity. As am I.
Happy to be hopping into the bathtub this morning and starting a new day - without a headache or much of a cold. I may be able to start running again soon. That would be happy indeed!
16 comments:
So glad to hear you are feeling better. For me I'm just happy to be able to have running water!
I agree with you. If someone isn't willing, then neither am I.
I had three who didn't do what was asked and weren't willing. They never really got into Step One. Now all three are not in Al-Anon. I hope that they are living a manageable life but I wonder. I've learned from you MC that if someone isn't entirely willing, it's best for me to bow out. I'll still be around (I hope) when and if they are ready to give themselves to this simple program.
You know I hear ya sister!
If you've been sober for 2 months and are still fooling around with Step 1 - then fool around on someones elses time, not mine. Play-Like recovery drives me nuts.
Some people just want to stop drinking and not recover their spirit. If they can do that, then my guess is that they were heavy drinkers and not alcoholics at all. That kind of talk is blasphemous in some circles!
Oh, and alcohol kills heavy drinkers as well as alcoholics. It also kills innocent bystanders as well.
Thanks for sharing that. I fired a sponsee once and have questioned myself ever since. My motives were similar to what you shared. She wasn't willing to work her program. And I knew it wasn't my job to work it for her. I feel better now.
not long ago I would have felt you were being soooo harsh...but I am beginning to get it now...
I'm glad I currently have one of those "first sponsees" so I could learn about unwillingness firsthand. Mine is 17 and decided her home life was too difficult, she relapsed and got herself checked back into treatment before she could be sent to the detention center. She isn't sure when she will be ready to go home. It is sad to me but I'm glad she is safe somewhere. It has taught me to be less unwilling and how not to browbeat...which comes in handy when other people around me are relapsing. (because that seems to be happening a lot lately and it frustrates the heck out of me)
Thanks for sharing (and letting me share, too)
Willing is something that cannot be taught...it has to be in them when they arrive. You are sooooo right! Have a wonderful day. You reminded me too that I need to take more baths, fewer showers. I had forgotten the calm image of the tub and how much I enjoy that if I take the time rather than fix the black ball thing of my busy-ness. LU J.
I am hearing you.
I believe that having a sponsor (or not) will make or break someone in this program. It kinda separates the men from the boys, so to speak. I also must remember that not all people want this program; it just sounded like a good idea at first.
LOL Dave-that's so true.
Yahoo get to be sober, have friends....wait. "WORK-WHAT KIND OF WORK?"
It says in the Spiritual Experience appendix that honesty, open-mindedness and willingness are the keys to recovery and that they are "indispensible." I found out that indispensible can mean "unable to be dispensed (given out)." I can't make ya willing. And I've got better things to do.
Isn't it great when we get the willing ones???
The comments were all so enjoyable to read, until Pam used a "four-letter" word. That word, the devil's own: WORK! Oh, my! What? WORK?
All some see is "Easy Does It" lol
Also, I played this conversation in my head:
"Let's go have a few drinks"!
"Can't! I've got to fix this toilet ball"!
I have a question that has puzzled me for a while. I read Clarence S Snyder's 1944 pamphlet on sponsorship and it is all about introducing the stil suffering alcoholic to AA, not mentoring the already sober alcoholic in AA. There it is assumed the group is enough.
When did the current understanding of AA sponsorship develop?
A comments box is probably the wrong place to ask such a question...lol
Good for you Mary-Christine.
xxMary
Glad to know it is not just in Jersey :) No browbeating for me either.
Hugs and kisses,
Gwen
Mary LA, I am sure this is in the AA literature. I don't have the answer without looking. I bet others do though.
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