Thursday, October 20, 2011
I am still incredibly tired. I talked with my coach yesterday and she said to expect this for a week. Last year by the Thursday after the marathon, I was dreadfully depressed. I will take tired over depressed any day of the week.
Last night I went out into my front yard with a rake and a black plastic bag. I had intended to rake up the leaves that had entirely covered my lawn. After a few minutes, my neighbor who has been caring for my lawn for the last 2 years (since I have been training for marathons), came by. She asked me if I needed help. I told her "you do so much for me, I really appreciate your help. And yes, if you would help me tonight, I would really appreciate it." We had all the leaves up and in bags within a half an hour. It would have taken me at least twice that long alone.
When I started getting homesick while in Maine, I thought about my front yard. I thought of standing in the sunshine, and I thought about my neighbor. I told her that last night. I think I embarrassed her. Some people don't really want to be appreciated loudly. They are happy to help. I wish I could be more like that.
The fella will be back in town tonight. We have talked on the phone or texted all but one or two days since I have been gone. We haven't seen each other for nearly two weeks. I would really like to see him this weekend, but already have almost every second planned with family events. He has been gone almost all the time since some time in August. It is pretty difficult to have a relationship this way. He says he will be home now until December. It will be interesting to see what happens now. Unfortunately, with my history, I sense rejection where there is none, and then act accordingly. I am pretty sure I have done this with him. But I do really like him and I know he really likes me. I will continue to pray for God's will in this. I know where my will takes me, and I do not want to go there again. But I appreciate this man's kindness and how much we both enjoy the time we spend together.
You know, I normally say I am grateful. It is a good habit to be grateful.
But today I feel that I am appreciating the things in my life - sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly. One of my favorite psychiatrists asked me to lunch yesterday. We ate indian food and laughed and enjoyed each other's company. I appreciate that I have friendships like this at work, but I am sure I would embarrass him too if I appreciated him loudly. I was happy to see my boss yesterday, happy to see my colleagues, happy to sit at my desk in my pretty little office. I appreciate it all,
And it won't embarrass any of you if I say it loudly:
I am grateful for the grace of God and I appreciate all He has put in my life, and all He has taken away. And I appreciate you bloggers with all your love and joy and heartbreak - and the fact that you write about it. Thank you.