Thursday, October 27, 2011
Thursday of the week after...
I am scratching my head at the lack of depression going on here. When I did my marathon last year, by Thursday of the next week, I was writing about "the dark night of the soul." I was in despair. It was truly awful.
This year? I am just fine. I might be a bit cranky, but maybe no more than usual.
I am so relieved because I would not like to go through that again.
Tonight I am going out for dinner with two AA friends. A woman who came close to taking her own life a little over a year ago, and her sponsor. She sent her suicide letter to both of us, via e-mail, on that fateful day. And now she wants to take us both out for dinner. She has now been sober over a year and has just landed a job in the field she worked in before her alcoholism took her down. It will be nice to sit over a lovely meal in a nice restaurant with these two. Especially when I contrast that with the night in the hospital room, she nearly dead and delirious, and my friend and I standing at her side - sick with worry. We truly did not know if she would live through the night. But she did. And a year later, it looks like a happy ending.
A year of sobriety is a miraculous thing. It is nothing short of miraculous what can happen in a year to one who stays truly sober, goes to meetings, and works the steps.
I worry when it looks like a "happy ending" because I have so frequently seen the person drift away. Life gets good and then it appears that there is no need for meetings, a sponsor, steps, etc.
I will pray that doesn't happen to her. She remains in my prayers every day, it is just a habit.
And do you know that I am still in my prayers every day? I am clear that I am sober by the Grace of God. I am clear that I am a hopeless alcoholic. I can drink tomorrow (but not likely today). I am sober today. I cannot coast on yesterday's sobriety. None of us can. I don't care how long you are sober, how spiritually fit you seem to be, how many people you sponsor, or what service position you hold.
I have today. I think I will stay sober in it - and try to make it the best October 27, 2011 I possibly can.