hmmmm, that's a rather negative way of looking at it, isn't it? Last week I got a real taste of how wonderful my life usually is, by contrast with the kind of hellish way it was last week. I don't know what this week will bring. I hope it is boring and dull and ordinary... but I doubt that will be the case.
I want to write about this startling revelation I had, but I am so limited in time. I want to be at the 6:30 meeting, it is now 5:51, and I am sitting here in my jammies. I will give it a shot:
When I got sober, there were a bunch of old men who I now call "those old sages." They are all dead now. There was Dick S., who smoked a pipe (back when you could smoke inside a building!) and his eyes twinkled, and he could cut you to the quick, and you would still be smiling because you didn't even know you had been injured! And on and on. There were a bunch of them. I loved them.
Now that I am sober for 23 years, I suppose I could sit back and try to act the sage at every moment. But that is not my nature. So, I watch the guys who came up behind me... guys (sorry they are all guys, not gals) puffing up their chests and talking about the good old days, and the old clubs that are no longer in existence, and talking about how they started this meeting and that meeting and how many people they have sponsored, etc. And it makes me sick.
A week or so ago, I squirmed through one of these orations by one of these guys. He has been sober for almost 21 years and he can't ever talk without mentioning that. He can't talk without yelling it. He cannot talk without telling us all how long he has been sober. He can't talk without mentioning "the old club" and the old things. He will sprinkle his talks with name drops of dead members. I have no idea how he is doing today, because he never mentions it.
I, with the subtlety of a chainsaw I am sure, mentioned to a woman sitting next to me that this guy gets on my last nerve. She looked at me with shocked amazement and said "I LOVE him!" And I thought - gee, maybe for her, this guy and others like him are the old sages. Probably those old guys I thought were so great were just like this. I really couldn't say. I just remember what I remember and I don't remember them puffing themselves up with their length of sobriety.
So, I need to work on smiling. Sitting back and smiling. When I want to tell them to get real, I can realize that they are probably helping someone.