I had a long conversation last night with a woman who shares a concern with me. We are watching a man in our group doing something that appears to be tearing him apart. She did try to talk with some people about it and was told very sharply "it is none of our business."
A few years ago we buried someone - what he had been doing was "none of our business" we had decided. After he was dead, we scratched our heads and thought that perhaps we might have said something, done something, showed our concern some way - before he was dead.
I count on my friends in AA to tell me the truth. Please, dear God, they never decide that I am none of their business. My friend and I agreed to tell each other unpleasant truths if necessary. I know my sponsor will always tell me the truth. It is ultimately the most loving thing to do.
"We do talk about each other a great deal, but we almost invariably temper such talk by a spirit of love and tolerance." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 125
9 comments:
The wisdom to know the difference.
That's the tough part, me thinks.
I'd want to hear what your concerns were. As long as you know it may not change anything, as long as your motives are pure, then we are each others business. Isn't that fellowship?
So then you will speak with him? Good.
I think that we have to care about each other and step up to tell someone we care, if only by offering a phone number or giving the person a call. Does this man have a sponsor who can make it his business?
I've been troubled by this sort of thing before also. I do know that sometimes pointing something out to someone does no good. Most people are not clueless, they know what they are doing.
However, having said that...when we care for someone, it is sometimes worth giving it a shot...because maybe we can make the difference.
I'll tell you & you tell me..ok?
You are a love by caring.
It seems to me that I have been in his position in the past. Someone needs to make it their business in a caring way. He relly needs to talk to his sponsor.
Maybe the way to approach him is by not knowing what is going on. but by just saying to him he doesn't seem to be his old self... is there something wrong, and is there something that could be done to help.
There thats my 3 cents worth.
FAEA
how about an "are you okay?" or i hear at meetings you are to "get with someone after the meeting if you see/hear something that doesn't line up...don't take it home with you."
i don't think it would hurt to approach and say, "you've been on my heart lately and i just want to know if everything is alright..." see where it goes.
Hi MC,
Today I can have a opinion :)
I too have experience with this nature of dilemma and I believe it ought not be a dilemma for one huge reason. Working a program of recovery has reintroduced me to a loving God that I didn't know was loving. That loving God allows me to make mistakes.
If, by paying attention to this person's perceived troubles, I am mistaken, God will sort it out. I'd rather make this "mistake" because there's a chance a life may depend on it!
3 and 11! Liz B. taught me to make 3 and 11 my decision makers. I'll turn this mistake over to God and pray for knowledge of His will on it every time!
It is also my opinion that those who told your friend "it's none of our business" have completely forgotten the First Tradition.
"Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon AA unity."
Where the he** is the unity in "it's none of our business" when another alkies' life is at stake?
Of course, this is only mho...
Mark
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