Sunday, January 20, 2008

Gratitude goes forward...

Here is a picture of "my" classroom. I had a wonderful day yesterday. I think I actually like teaching. I have always known that I enjoy teaching one on one. What I haven't liked is standing in front of a group and talking - unless it is an AA meeting. Yesterday I actually liked 'lecturing'. I had stressed over an article I was supposed to lecture on. It was so difficult to read, I read it over and over and over. I finally took extensive notes on it. But what I didn't think about was that if I was having such difficulty with it, imagine how much more difficult it was for the students to read! So I got to give a 'lecture' and then answer questions. If I had not agonized over it as I had, I would not have been able to offer the explanations as I did. It was a banner day for MC.

Then I got home and found my blog had been defiled again. I left a nasty comment for the man and then I retaliated on his blog by cutting and pasting whole chapters out of the big book into his comments. Amazingly enough, his blog was gone within an hour. Apparently he doesn't like stuff he doesn't want on his blog. And I imagine it is a pain in the ass to delete comments that are a chapter long.

Should I have done that? Probably not. Do I have one ounce of regret or remorse? Nope.

So, back to a positive note: this morning in my prayer and meditation, I thanked God and actually started crying - with gratitude. The last few months have been so very difficult. There is still a bunch of difficulty at work, but some of the hurdles are now behind me. I feel much better than I did a week or a month ago. And today I get to go to an AA meeting first thing. I get to take a run after the meeting. Then I get to watch football and knit. My kids may or may not be coming over (they might be going snow-shoeing instead).

So today I will try to take that gratitude and express it forward. My ex husband used to say that gratitude isn't a feeling it is an action.

"Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. In other words, if you carry the message to still others, you will be making the best possible repayment for the help given to you." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 29

10 comments:

Kathy Lynne said...

MC: THAT IS AWESOME!! Is it bad to feel good about that? Yes. Do I have one once of remorse or regret? NO. But I did say a prayer for him. He needs it.

dAAve said...

I always knew you had class.

Scott W said...

Mary Christine, Superhero! If you made Mickey's blog disappear then I bow to you.

Gratitude IS an action. It can cut through the veil of illusion we see as life in this world. It can lead the hopeless into the light. It has been one of the most important tools in my sobriety.

We can feel your smile all the way down here in Texas.

Scott said...

lol, good for you MC, I get tired of deleting posts by cowards...

I love to teach as well...I got my degree in it but I ama mortgage guy by trade. That's why doing the 8th grade CCD thing is so kool! Now only if the kids were as into it as I am lol.

Pam said...

We need a picture of what kind of shoes you are wearing to teach in, like you used to shoe your running shoes :)
I wish I could sit in the back of the classroom, raise my hand and ask dumb questions...just for fun.
I'm so so happy for you!!!
Do you have a pet yet???
Little mustard green.

Zane-nawwaa said...

MC. Good for you. I had 8 msgs from Hell, (well it is from down under). I just deleted them permanently. I hope what you did worked. SO HAPPY your class went well. Love You.

Banana Girl said...

MC,
Poor Mickey. Such a waste of energy. He does remind me though to think through what I post and be sure that I am looking at the truth of myself before I accuse. I think perhaps he has a lot of transference going on in his head. To suffer so without realizing it is so tragic. Oh well. I have no particular thoughts on what you did except that sometimes we just have to get things out of our hearts to make room for the really good stuff. I will pray for him too. That is all I know to do today and today is all that matters. Congrats on your teaching success. I wish I was in your class.....there and figuratively. Love you bunches,
Happy knitting,
Jeanne

dirtydishes said...

You gave me a good laugh, and I am grateful for your actions. As a student myself, I hope you continue to use the blackboard. I hate powerpoint presentations!

Christine said...

so happy you are doing something you enjoy doing--teaching
what a gift!

One Drunk to Another said...

Ugh. I don't like those that flame my blog. Micky hasn't been the only one lately. I got a nasty comment from someone who claims to be from my local AA community, saying basically that I was not working the AA program. IT bothered me way more than Micky does, because I thought -- how could they say that when they know me? Well, obviously they didn't. I don't delete the flamers any more. I realize that they are just trying to get a response, so I try not to respond at all. The beautiful people in this online AA community can recognize what is truth, and what isn't! Your blog is awesome and you have what I want in this program. Thanks and keep it up!