Here is a picture of "my" classroom. I had a wonderful day yesterday. I think I actually like teaching. I have always known that I enjoy teaching one on one. What I haven't liked is standing in front of a group and talking - unless it is an AA meeting. Yesterday I actually liked 'lecturing'. I had stressed over an article I was supposed to lecture on. It was so difficult to read, I read it over and over and over. I finally took extensive notes on it. But what I didn't think about was that if I was having such difficulty with it, imagine how much more difficult it was for the students to read! So I got to give a 'lecture' and then answer questions. If I had not agonized over it as I had, I would not have been able to offer the explanations as I did. It was a banner day for MC.
Then I got home and found my blog had been defiled again. I left a nasty comment for the man and then I retaliated on his blog by cutting and pasting whole chapters out of the big book into his comments. Amazingly enough, his blog was gone within an hour. Apparently he doesn't like stuff he doesn't want on his blog. And I imagine it is a pain in the ass to delete comments that are a chapter long.
Should I have done that? Probably not. Do I have one ounce of regret or remorse? Nope.
So, back to a positive note: this morning in my prayer and meditation, I thanked God and actually started crying - with gratitude. The last few months have been so very difficult. There is still a bunch of difficulty at work, but some of the hurdles are now behind me. I feel much better than I did a week or a month ago. And today I get to go to an AA meeting first thing. I get to take a run after the meeting. Then I get to watch football and knit. My kids may or may not be coming over (they might be going snow-shoeing instead).
So today I will try to take that gratitude and express it forward. My ex husband used to say that gratitude isn't a feeling it is an action.
"Gratitude should go forward, rather than backward. In other words, if you carry the message to still others, you will be making the best possible repayment for the help given to you." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 29