Someone left a nasty-gram comment yesterday. "Are you attention seeking about the blog again. If you want to carry on do so, if not make your mind up."
I say to that: thank you for sharing.
Amazingly enough, my life is not 100% about this blog. I spend probably a half hour a day on it. The remaining 23.5 hours I am living my life. Right now my life is overwhelming.
In 2005, one of my first posts was called "Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired." In it, I explained that I call myself "high-maintenance," not because I like expensive shit but because my list of self-care musts is pretty big. They really are musts. I really must exercise, eat right, sleep a lot, have quiet time for prayer and meditation, go to meetings, talk to friends, etc., etc., etc. if I am to be even remotely sane.
I am in a temporary work situation this week. I am working many hours a day without break, and it is very intense. It is my job. My job is not the same every day, and thank God it isn't usually the way it is now. Right now I am, of necessity, doing none of my self-care things and my mental health is definitely feeling it. So I am discouraged. I am tired. I am hungry most of the day because I haven't got time for any breaks. I am angry sporadically, like when I read a nasty fucking comment. I could be lonely, I don't know, I haven't time to figure it out. I talked with my sponsor this evening, she suggested I just get through this week - it may not be pretty, just get through it. Just make at least one AA contact a day on the phone. I have been doing that.
And in case you are confused, let me tell you: I am an alcoholic in recovery. This does not make me a saint. I am a person who has suffered from Major Depression throughout my life, thankfully it is in remission, but that isn't necessarily a permanent situation.
If you are looking for some person who got sober and turned into a perfectly adjusted person with no faults, keep looking, this is not the place. If you are looking for some phony who tries to make everything sound nice every day, keep right on looking, that is not me. If, however, I am telling you that my life is wonderful (which is what I do most of the time) you can trust that it is the truth.
I am a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am a real live human being. I do not always feel great. Life doesn't always go my way. I don't even want it to, for crying out loud! I have plenty of faults. Most of the time, they are not too terribly evident. Right now they are, I guess. So, if you can't handle it, don't read my blog. OK?