Saturday, June 17, 2006

I love Saturday Mornings

This one especially. It is cool, only 63 degrees, there is the lovely breeze floating through my lace curtains I am always talking about. It is after seven, I have only just woken up, and still have my nightgown on.

I had a wonderful evening last night. It was a perfect night to go downtown - it was not hot, it was not cool. I could wear a sleeveless top and a pair of capris and be perfectly comfortable. The fact that I had at least one arm around me most of the time didn't hurt at all....

Which leads me to the past, I have written about how public I think a blog is. As anyone who has read this for a while knows, I don't mind spilling my own guts all over the place - because it just might help someone else. However, I almost feel disloyal to this wonderful man to be writing about him without his knowledge or consent. As someone who has spent a lifetime working around health information, I know that I have not crossed the line by using his name or any other identifying information. However, emotionally, I think I better be really careful here. He is such a upright, solid, steady, kind, and GOOD man, I want to do nothing to dishonor him. I will be careful when I write about him.

We are going to a movie tonight. And then I have school all day tomorrow. On a Sunday in June, I am going to be sitting in a classroom from 9 to 4, brushing up my Biostatistics skills. Sheesh. There is something very wrong with this picture!

Today I am going to take a bike ride. As I said, it is a beautiful day. All the way around, just beautiful, a wonderful day to be a sober woman, alive in God's world.

"We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His work well." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63


dAAve said...

To continue practicing the principles in All your Affairs, yes, you probably should be cautious in what you publicly write about the M-A-N. I don't see the harm in letting H-I-M know about your blog, thus giving T-H-A-T P-E-R-S-O-N the choice of reading it or not.

Also, I really like the way you're now ending your posts with a BB quote. And your choice of quotes is great, too.

Sober @ Sundown said...

Let me briefly tell you what happened to me. I suspected that my gf was messing around so I decided to investigate her internet presence. I found two blogs, a Flickr account and many email/IM addresses that I didn't know about. I read everything that she posted over the last year, and it was really sad, and painful to see how she viewed me. In the course of a year, she didn't say anything good about me. I bought her a very expensive camera for Christmas, and not only did I not get credit, but she set up a secret Flickr account to post all her photos.

Just recently, she put a site counter on one of her blogs, and found out I was reading it. She got angry and put a post of the "10 most important people in your life that you would like to say something to" on it so I could read it. On the initial post, I was number 4 on the list. She wanted to tell all the men in her life how important they were to her, and how much she loved them. All she could say to me was, "Stay away from me and my family. I don't want your negativity around me anymore." When she edited this list a day later, I was completely removed. I had fallen off the top ten.

She doesn't post much anymore, but does put pictures up on her Flickr account. She has drifted from posting photos of orchids, etc and now primarily puts up photos of all the men she finds attractive. She has even posted photos of her new boyfriend.

My recommendation to you Mary would be:

Once you decide that you want this relationship to become permanent, I would recommend that you tell your new love that you have a blog, that you write about your experiences there, and some posts include him. Reassure him that he is an anonymous figure, but do let him know. When you become more comfortable with sharing this aspect of yourself, then maybe you can share your blog with him..... or maybe not, but do tell him that you blog.

Diego said...

thanks for sharing.....Its good practice to put oneself in the shoes of others just to see what it feels like.....The more open and honest the better....

BigSkymAAck said...

Mary as much as this blog is personal to you yet very public I see nothing wrong with telling him that you have a close circle of friends in recovery that you share your life with. I am sure by now that he knows you are in recovery. You will probably get free of the burden you are carrying over this. You might want to just use a couple initials to refer to him. They don't even have to be correct that would make him feel like more than just the m-a-n. All of this that you are going through is good to share here with people so the can see that at some time in our lives we can find happiness outside of the program. By posting here you are able to keep yourself in check and see where you are at when you type it in. Besides some of us just care about you. Hell you don't have anything to hide anyway so why not sharethe fact that you have a blog and let him decide if he wants to read it.


It's all good.
I see you,

Karen B said...

Hi Mary,
this is a good point about writing about people and putting in their names. Although my last blog was good and a friend enjoyed it I gave out my ex's name and picture on top of it without much of a thought. I told my therapist and her advice was to delete it because it's public and someone could find out. Although the relationship did not end well I felt bad by being dishonorable about our relationship by letting out my feelings which was great and it helped , giving out his name I felt was a no no. On my new blog his picture is posted but not his name to honor his Anonymity.Anyway let the person know that you have a blog.

Anonymous said...

I was wondering how my neighbour could save a fortune on her credit cards. Now I too have the secret.