Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Tuesday AM

I had a very disturbing dream last night. It was not a drunk dream - it was worse. I did not get drunk. I was sitting at a restaurant, at a large table, full of friends - nursing a large scotch and water on the rocks. In my dream, it tasted good and I was amazed at how I was not getting drunk, I was just enjoying a cocktail with friends! In my dream, I was trying to figure out how having ONE LITTLE DRINK was not going mean that I am no longer sober 21 + years. That thought woke me up.

I made it to the gym again this morning and ran 2 miles. I didn't walk much because I am taking a walk with my new fella tonight.

"We are not cured of alcoholism. What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 85

9 comments:

dAAve said...

Tough dream, but at least it was only a dream. Perhaps it was just a gentle reminder from your HP to maintain your spititual condition.

Don't get that M-A-N too worn out. Not yet.

sera said...

I had a weird dream Sunday night as well. Not about drinking, but a powerful dream providing an opportunity for closure for a chapter of my life that ended over a year ago. I love the dream world and the things it shows us.

I've had (possibly more than one) dreams like the one you had too. Ones where I dreamt I had woken up and had rationalized my drinking and kept the 'one drink' to myself. Meaning in the dream I did not talk to other AA's about it. Mainly because my pride didn't want to be in meetings saying I was 1 week sober. It wasn't nice seeing this wounded ego that didn't want to be honest with my fellow AA's.
As I'm an ex smoker I've had smoking dreams too. I may have had sugar dreams too (as I don't eat sugar) but I'm not sure. They wouldn't have registered as being as disturbing as the drinking ones, so they are harder to remember.

Although they are disturbing, they don't undermine my faith in my recovery. They are a lesson in humility and of the true meaning behind the words 'cunning baffling and powerful'. Those words resonate much more powerfully with me afterwards. I think anything that fosters respect for the illness can only be a good thing. But human fallibility is a tragic thing. Thank god, it's not up to us anymore and the higher power does for us what we (patently) can't do for ourselves..

Lex-Sunshine said...

Thank God its only a dream. : ) We're all just one drink away from drunk. Reminds me of how precious my sobriety is to me - I don't ever want to take it for granted.

Tab said...

Hmm..interesting.
I think that is great you headead out to the gym again today.
Enjoy your walkies tonight!
Thanks for sharig ~

Sober Chick said...

Your sobriety is precious to you. You care for it, nurture it, and provide the spiritual medicine it needs to remain today.

I love the relief felt once we wake up from dreams like this and realize it was a only a dream. Because we are sober, we are thankful for our reality today.

Enjoy your walk with your new M-A-N 2-nite!

Diego said...

cunning, powerful and baffling. Oh.....and patient too...enjoy the rest of the day and thanks for sharing.....stay well...

BigSkymAAck said...

I guess There was a reason I was not able to post early this morning. When I have had those type of dreams it sure jolts me into reality.

Shannon said...

I have had those dreams, THANK GOD they are just dreams

Trudging said...

Dreams can really shake you up. They seem so real!!