Monday, June 12, 2006

Monday June 12

I really do like Monday mornings. I will get to the gym just as it is opening, have a nice run, come back home and get ready for another productive week at work. I actually have some homework to do this week! On Sunday, I am starting a summer class. I am auditing a graduate level Biostatistics class at my Alma Mater. I am so excited about this. It will help me with my job and I just love statistics so it will be fun. I have been out of school for 5 years, so I know it will be hard to sit in a classroom all day on a Sunday, but it will be good. The class only meets 3 times, the rest of the work is done online.

Yesterday I went to my daughter's house for lunch. I got a glimmer of hope when I heard something she told my granddaughter. The little one was crying because one of her friends hurt her feelings. She had silent little tears streaming down her face as we were eating lunch. My daughter listened sympathetically for a while and then told her daughter this: "when I feel really bad, if I do something for someone else it helps me to forget about myself and then I feel better!" In just that one sentence, I saw so much hope for my daughter - and her family.

I had a terrible attack of fear yesterday morning. I have not felt this way in so long, it is so unfamiliar to me. I don't like it one little bit. But I guess when you step outside of your comfort zone, it can be frightening. I am very glad to report that today I am not in fear.

"We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves." -- Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 68


Trudging said...

Powerful Stuff

dAAve said...

Statistics class ... good
daughter ... good
fear ... bad
AA quote ... good

BigSkymAAck said...

Opposite of fear is Faith

Shannon said...

enjoy the class
feel the the fear and walk through it.
I can relate to your fear, when
me and hubby first got together and things were going sooo good and then- we moved in togehter!!! I FREAKED OUT!!! I didnt understand why at the time, but I had been alone for a while, and was used to my routine, my schedule, softball, meetings, sponsees, time, and Bayleigh schedule, and he had 3 kids and an ex wife, and I realised OMG there is sooo much-
in hind sight, I realise now, so many changes at once, and there were! and expectatiions of myself, and him... just do the best you can, and be good to yourself!

Sober Chick said...

The theme today is Happy Mondays it seems. You sound peaceful today. It is a glorious event to hear those words exit from your daughter. What a sparle to your day!

Happy Monday!

balmlk said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Diego said...

its interesting to me and I can't help to notice the turmoil that you have been going through since you introduced your man friend into the picture...I'm glad you're feeling better today....Keep on trudging....Biostatistics? How many drinks, on the average, does it take to sober up an alcoholic?

Gwen said...

That conversation you saw with your daughter sounds so great! That is really cool stuff.

Fear ~ Yuck, it sneaks in there huh.

Scott said...

great reading from the BB, glad you're working through your fear... congrats on the class, enjoy!! Statistics on purpose, huh?? okey dokey!

Sober @ Sundown said...

I love statistics! You go girl.

I can identify with your "attack of fear". Just last week I had one myself. I became so afraid that I would be spending my birthday alone this year....... It's not until October, and I have plenty of time to plan something, but that is beside the point. I was terrified till I worked through it.

Christine said...

There is always hope. And you carry a powerful message for your daughter and grandchild too.

A hundred forms of fear I have yes, but we also have program, tools and support when I go outside my comfort zone and have ways to not allow the fear to stop from moving beyond...