Saturday, April 28, 2012
Frigid Saturday Morning
I have a couple of races coming up in June that I have essentially not trained for. I will likely do them anyway. I have an olympic distance triathlon on June 10 and a half marathon on June 23. I could easily do a sprint distance tri, but I am registered for an olympic. Crap.
Yesterday I popped into my hair stylist's salon at 6:30 a.m. on my way to work. She was there, and I begged her to fit me in this weekend. She was frowning, but she did it. She has proms all day today, but will squeeze me in at 1:00. I think by my forcing the issue, I have forced the issue of getting my hair cut short, since that is what I told her the emergency was. I need to do it I think. We'll see if I can.
I am meeting my running club in a matter of minutes. I have totally lost my enthusiasm for this group. I still love my coach, but I have a problem with one of the other members of our small group and it is affecting the whole experience for me. She is the one who made the snarky comment to me earlier this year: "Do you think I need to go to AA Mary?" Having never told anyone in that group that I am in AA, I wonder why she concluded that I am in AA, and why that is an issue for her. Well, I don't really wonder why it is an issue for her. She also makes very profane remarks constantly, and although I have never said anything to her, I am certain that my facial expression does not hide my horror. Everyone in the group DOES know I am Catholic. I talk about it, and I also wear a gold cross and miraculous medal at all times, which pretty much SCREAMS "Catholic!!!" I end up running alone and I don't know why I would pay $450. a year to do that. So, I likely will not at the end of this session (in June).
Yesterday I ended up in my boss' office - crying. Oh, horror of horrors! When she responded by telling me how much they value me, she started crying too. I just love this woman, and I think she feels the same way about me. She talked to her boss about what is going on, and he went right up to the top of the org chart to address it. I think things will be changing. It will not help my relationships with my problem people, but I think having good relationships wasn't helping with the work. I cannot be dishonest in order to "get along."
It is a time of great change for me. I feel like my whole life has been shaken up and left to resettle, like one of the old snow globes I used to love. I think these changes needed to happen. Change isn't always pleasant, it can be difficult.
The few weeks just before I got sober was a period of great change just like this. The changes made me realize that I couldn't go on as I was. I knew I had to stop drinking. And believe me, this was a HUGE change! Just thinking I needed to quit was an entirely new thought for me.
We will see where I end up as a result of all this stuff. But I know it has made me realize that some things just have to change.
"There is God, our Father, who very simply says, 'I am waiting for you to do my will.' The other authority is named John Barleycorn, and he says, 'You had better do God's will or I will kill you." -- As Bill Sees It, p. 319