Sunday, April 29, 2012
Yesterday I got my hair cut. My stylist has known me for a very long time - she used to cut it very short when I asked her to, but she doesn't any more. It is short - but it is not VERY short. I have long bangs, and enough hair over my ears to "tuck" it. The back is very short. It is super cute and I am so happy I did this. I feel like I look about 10 years younger. That long hair drags down my face - and gravity is doing a good enough job, it doesn't need any help! I also dragged out my old horn rimmed glasses and feel like I have a whole new look.
Yesterday I decided to quit my running club. I will continue to exercise, I know that. But I don't want to pay so much money and have my weekends be so centered around my Saturday morning run. I have too many priorities right now, I can easily eliminate this one. I will serve out the time I have already paid for and then I will have Saturdays to myself again. In truth, that will probably be July. But that's OK.
I have my little baby here with me today. She got upset earlier and held her arms out to me - the way she does her Mom and Dad. I held her and began to cry myself. Such a primordial thing. Since the beginning of time babies have clung to their mamas, daddys, and grandmothers! It is a beautiful thing to be part of that equation! Now, THIS feeds my soul.
I have been chronicling these past few months my "little bit of a breakdown." (That phrase comes from a song I can't remember right now.) It is risky to put it on the internet, but I was taught to share my real experience, strength, and hope. Not my delusional system about how great I am - like if I convince you I may convince myself.
So this is it. I am still moving forward. And amazingly enough, I have not had a drink. If you are the type of alcoholic I am, you understand what a big deal that is. And if you are looking for someone who is the picture of serenity and happiness every day - you will probably be terribly disappointed by my blog.
Here's another one of my quirks - I cannot stand the sound of cartoons. I thought I could turn on a cartoon for my granddaughter while I wrote this, but it is making my so anxious I can't stand it. I remember a scene from the movie "The Days of Wine and Roses," where the alcoholic woman is sitting in a chair, by herself, in the middle of the day - with a cigarette and a glass of booze - watching cartoons. ugh! I can't think of anything worse!
But that is NOT my story today. I am sober. My little baby holds her arms out to me and wraps them around my neck when I pick her up. I will turn off these cartoons and play with baby girl.
God has been so good to me.